There is going to be a wedding

Thinking about the gesture that God will do because He loves me, to show His love to me, at first humbles me, But then I think about the fact that it's totally unearned. It must be that the JOY of the Bride, is only met on her wedding day.

This comes from thinking about how much money must be paid to get to Jerusalem. If i'm honest, it puts me through the same feelings that I think of Jesus, because how am I to know exactly the love that He has shown to me, the blood that He was spilled for me? Am I not in this continual debt? Does this not put me through the feelings once again of what love He has shown to me? It is just money, but in the way that God does, he is putting it into my mind, and in my heart.

There's not so much I can say! This love is whole-hearted, it demands all of me, wrestles my affections away from temporary pleasures, and keeps fear in my heart towards other lovers. It is righteous Love, that removes everything that hinders love for the sake of love. It is jealous Love, bearing the name of God, remains, when the controversy has ended, and the last enemies dealt with. Abandon's my heart to service, knowing that there is a reward, and that to miss out on what He has for me, would be terrifying. This is a love that takes all other options away, promises all that He has to offer, filled by confidence energized by the Spirit.

waits, sustains, refreshes, he has become everything 

He has shown me another analogy of how we are to see life.

The Bride, being escorted through the wilderness

With Her Bridegroom

Why does He wrestle with our hearts in the wilderness? Why does he take from us the names of the Baals in the wilderness? Is it not because our hearts are unfaithful to Him? Isn't it because He is jealous for all of us? the wilderness is not the point of it!

Wilderness is never the point of it!

That would be like the Israelite people, being slain with thirst.

He has shown us the way through - Himself is the only one who has been through! The only one victorious

I'm poking now, but I have to, because people are saying, "Why don't you just stay here for a season?"

We have a Bridegroom who is jealous for us, because He loves us. To be concerned with anyone else is just not reality, and it is not biblical either (if anyone was thinking that way)

What is now the outcome and point of wilderness is Himself. When I find Him, I have found everything! When I get to Jerusalem I get everything!

What connection am I making here?

I have no other plans, only to be with Jesus. He spoke this because my own wilderness is very testing, and very trying. if I were to focus on the temporary, and the things that are before me - financial obligations, schools coming and going out, my own friendships! even! I would loose my heart, and I would be distressed, and without peace. This is exactly what happens. It's not an IF, but a consequence of being human. It's because He made us to be totally His. It is because He is God.

I understand! Hallelujah! Come marry me in Jerusalem, Jesus!

The wedding is something else! beyond comparison! It is where He is leading you!

Being chosen for a People Group

There are two things that are being repeated over me today.

The first is "be a little child" - this is the easy part

The second is a thing Art Katz said. "The place he will call you is the place that He has pre-eminently chosen for You"

It was a phrase used when describing the leading of the Holy Spirit, in Acts 16:6-10

Now when they had gone throughout Phrygia and the region of Galatia, and were forbidden of the Holy Ghost to preach the word in Asia, After they were come to Mysia, they assayed to go into Bithynia: but the Spirit suffered them not. And they passing by Mysia came down to Troas. And a vision appeared to Paul in the night; There stood a man of Macedonia, and prayed him, saying, Come over into Macedonia, and help us. And after he had seen the vision, immediately we endeavoured to go into Macedonia, assuredly gathering that the Lord had called us for to preach the gospel unto them.

It has been a bit of a "yes, no" season for me, with Gods leading.

I do not mean God changed His mind! Ask my leaders at YWAM

It has literally been, a yes, yes, yes, NO door, where I have been leaping through doors and saying "this is where I'm going" to find it abruptly shut.

I am trembling as I write this, of the implications of today.

In a way, my ability to write this out, has been cut short, too. And sometimes you do not need to have the words all together sometimes.

What is on my heart is in connection with this "harvest out" by which the Holy Spirit gloriously leads. I kind of feel honoured, to be spoken to with such instructions, by the Holy Spirit himself. But there is something that I have to say: Do not look at me! What is happening is far bigger than myself!

Look in me being chosen for a people group. The enormity of that statement, and the glorious wisdom by which God is making this happen.

I will try to be succint when I say this.

It has to do with LOVE. When I am looking back 10 years from now, it will not be the things that I have done - but because of God's heart - for my people. What I mean is, showing up at a soup kitchen, and told "put on an apron and start serving" - or being asked to lead the youth program. Knowing in that moment, "I am here, and I'm doing this for one man, and He is worth it"

The crazy thing is, NO ONE go, unless you are chosen for a people group. Where did this choosing come from? If you have read the last few entries, I will be succint, It is because He said "I am pursuing YOU with my love" - I want your love. It is because, His purpose, is THE purpose. All I want is to be able to say to others the great things that God is doing IN ME, and that is exactly WHAT IS happening. My joy, is actually connected with the reality, that I am the Bride, and that my JOY being that others are hearing about that, in whatever way, is actually reminding me of my relationship with Him.

The question that is on everyone's mouth "When are you going?" is made irrelevant, not because it is not important, but the day is set already, August 2nd!

It's made irrelevant, because You just got to look inside me and hear my heart to know that He will do what He has promised. Is it really so hard to believe that God knows the journey that I'm on? that He knows the future? is that impossible for Him? I do not even have choices anymore, I have the heart of Jesus.  And He is the one fuelling me to be in Jerusalem for my wedding.

I want to be succint with the last part, that God the Father is incarnating me into a people group, he is birthing me into a people group, and this is two-fold: That it is a complete immersion, no longer alive. That it is instantaneous, it will happen, just like that

This is like it says in Psalm 2, where it says "Ask of me, and I will give the nations to you" - it is referring to Jesus, but there is a flooding that is happening in the church right now, Sons walking in their inheritance

The part that is hard to say, and which has left unsaid is the most important part. But I have no words for this part. See Him as the glue which holds everything together. My JOY is only fulfilled on the day that He marries me.

While I was lead along today, I bought a pair of boardshorts! Go Jesus! in fact, I got them on special, for under half price! He was using the experience to show me that I am being stretched out of my comfort zone, I do not even know what they are used for! How do you use them!

Declaration of Safe Passage

I am believing in God for a miracle.

This has an air of comfort to it, knowing that I am totally reliant on Him to do it.

I am needing to be in Jerusalem by the 2nd of August, for my own wedding. This has an air of humour to it. "Why would I need to find my own way to my own wedding?"

It is also to visit my friends, the Around the World School, in graduating from Jerusalem.

This wedding, is not my own idea, but I know also, on the 30th of April, 2011, God pursued me with His love, where I made a commitment to Him in this area, then He gave me a scripture from Esther, where she is adopted by Mordecai, the interpretation came from my own lips (this is a good place to hear from Him) - To be anointed and consecrated for a year of beauty treatments. I have been waiting a long time, but I also know Him to be waiting as well.

God provided a sign just this week.

That I would not be going to Jerusalem unless my friend Steve received a sign from the Lord

How can I not be waiting upon Him, I am the daughter, and I am the betrothed, it is right that I would be putting my lamp out letting the world know that I wait, for Him

On Saturday he confirmed his own word, by His own word, in a newspaper headline. "Jerusalem out of reach of Crusade"

To think, that God would "announce this from the rooftops!' and "speaking the same word as came out of my mouth"

I can only say, that God loves me so much, that I do not need to fuss about the details anymore.

In terms of visiting my friends, It cannot be the main reason, because I've already missed that. All I can say is, there awaits another purpose for me in Jerusalem, that I do not know.

It just so happens, that in more than one place,

Scripture testifies to a kind of love from God that is totally himself and obtains through sheer voluntary will, the love that He desires.

 Listen, O daughter,
Consider and incline your ear;
Forget your own people also,
and your father's house;
So the King will greatly desire your beauty;
Because He [is] your Lord, worship Him. (Psalm 45:10,11)



You shall be called by a new name,
Which the mouth of the LORD will name.  (Is 62:2)


How could I live for anyone else? How could I love any other? and this love is totally voluntary. Do I need to say "God I am coming to be with You?"

This makes everything right, that I would choose Himself, before He has me completely.

What mystery is this, that what I am asking of Him, it comes off my lips, and is in his heart?

Open My Eyes to See

It went from here (my head) to my heart to my body - I cannot keep it inside - the dream which is Jerusalem.

I think this has to be the way that we live. What do you say to a people who are "whole-hearted"?
to dream is what we were made for, so the way to live is asking God "how do you see me?" - He is not just wanting, the mind, the heart but all of us.

It has been wonderfully demonstrated in the life of David, who God exclaims "I will give the sure mercies of David" - to a descendant of David that will bring an everlasting covenant with


How is it that you can commit atrocities like murder and lying and get away with it?

How is it that you can be called the man after God's own heart when you achieve Satan's will?

Because what exists in David's heart is something special. Something that God himself wants. It says that "I have provided for myself a King among Jesse's Sons"

I find it very amusing, that one of David's chief delights (according to scripture) is to build God a temple - to build God a house. to build God a dwelling place in Jerusalem. It is like his compass has been gravitated to the city that bears God's name.

Psalm 78:68 But chose the tribe of Judah, Mount Zion which He loved.
Psalm 2:6 "Yet I have set My King On My holy hill of Zion."

Here we have two agreeing councils, where God has chosen before time to make Jerusalem His city of dwelling.

People will say "but He did not dwell there until David's day, and 5 centuries later, the dynasty failed" - Is it not for an eternal legacy?

Read this verse in 1 Samuel 17 and consider

17:54 And David took the head of the Philistine and brought it to Jerusalem, but he put his armor in his tent.

In this shepherd boys heart was a desire to make Jerusalem the chief city when He had barely been known by the tribes of Israel. It stood in defiance then, in a way, it stands in defiance now.

It is because inside of me exists the passion for the glory of God - which is far more than my JOY for people, or my love for people.

What is in me that I should be called the dwelling place of God?

The desire to live like David, whole-hearted is nothing less than connecting with God's heart, and then being mobilized in the generation that you are in.

The harvest is plentiful, the workers few, therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to SEND OUT labourers into the harvest field. What harvest? NATIONS!

A harvest of peoples, nations, tongues and tribes!

You cannot do that sitting down. You cannot gather into your heart what is only outside your doorstep. This call is one to give everything and consider it RUBBISH except to go for Him! that makes your OBEDIENCE, something of eternal implication. If you do not hear this, You are going to shrivel up.

I just made a precedent. It's because Jesus is putting the thrust back to you, and your heart. We tell Him we will go everywhere, But when He tells us he has given EVERYTHING we are callous and indifferent, not knowing what He is asking. Is this the only call? by no means! But a trumpet sure sounds like one from any angle that you hear it.

A call to abandon your heart looks nothing like anything else than that! But there is RESPONDING to be done. When the nations heard that God is the world-ruler they acted very foolishly, with their IDOLS, I wonder if this is the same response that threatens us today (Isaiah 41:6,7)

This is where my FREEDOM comes from, it is choosing the call to which He has called me.

To be confident in the face of fear, you cannot look back the other way, You have to be utterly sold out for the cause, God is the flame that allows us to do this (Isaiah 42:1-7) You ask, "What is before me?" only what He has been saying all along, "I am going before You, to pave the way for You, so that you can reap a harvest" This has everything to do with the REWARD. without a reward, no one will go. this is the motivation behind His phrase "What does it PROFIT you?" - emphasis on the YOU as well. When they were called, that was it, nothing stopping, they went with Him. He sure makes it difficult sometimes, but He never leads me astray. I know where I'm going and it's Jerusalem. Because He loves me! Because my work is there! because my reward is there! I am crucified with Christ

I will end with this. David was a shepherd boy, they did not even know his name (1 Samuel 15:28; 13:14)

He was not chosen because of his leadership, singing ability, handling of the sword, favour with people, or even His heart. If they were anything of the outward appearance, it says "I have rejected Him" - for the Lord does not see as man sees.

The only thing that He was chosen for was this, God liked that He came to Him.

It was a recognition that God would exclaim later "I will give you the sure mercies of David" - that I will not take away. faithful kindness and tenderness.

I am that man, that God has raised up! I do not want the accolades, the prestige, the rewards! I want to Love Him more!

And nothing is going to stop God from raising me up because I am totally after His heart

Shame and Rejection

This process of giving things to God has brought up things that I did not know existed. I think that there is wisdom also in waiting for others to grow through experience to learn through them. This is something that has brought me such freedom that I want to share it!

When I was talking to Jesus I wrote down something into my diary that I want to share:

I have placed my trust in the living God, I will not be ashamed. Fill me with the pleasure of God

Little did I know that these words would mean so much.

While thinking about what needed to happen, I said in my heart "I'm going to die if I do not receive the provision I need" - for a backpack, and a power charger for my computer. That was what was arising out of my heart.

Shows that what was in my heart was an utter lie - stopping me from trusting Him, and taking back what I had given Him. The truth is this I am loved!

God knows what I need before I even ask Him. This is like saying, "You can totally trust in me, I have your best interests in mind"

It's okay, I'm also getting tender right now.

You mean, what he is wanting for me, is FREEDOM?

That I am going to be free from Shame? That arising out of my heart will be PEACE, and JOY, and love?

That is something that I am wanting more of!

One thing that I want to introduce is, What you Think of God. What arouse out of my heart, pre-dominantly was "Is this coming from God?" - in other words, I thought God capable of leading me astray, and bullying me.

This means I had a huge deficit in terms of what God could do for me. This will actually stop me from whole-heartedly trusting Him, when He says "I will provide"

I will make a chart of the difference between what God says, and what shame says.

Shame says, "I am unloved"
God says, "You are the one I love"

Shame says, "I will not be provided with what I need"
God says, "You will be able to minister out of the truth of my word"*

*There is a responsibility on our part to own up to the fact that God is responsible to provide, but that we will also do our part

Shame says, "Did God really say that?"
God says, "I am washing you in my word"

The reason that I could see through the disgusting lies was because it occured to me that my own problem was being brought up by God, and that there is a purpose for which He brings me through this. Funny part is, that when I came to the end of this striving and believing, I was at peace about it, because God had made me so content in His love, that I did not need to take my own from it.

In all this, I want to say, that I am crying out for understanding! asking God for the truth! I have much to hear and to know concerning my love in God.

from Hiddenness to Apocalypse

I want to immortalize this in time, so that you know what it is that comes from my heart first. This is a diary entry from yesterday's journal

My heart is burning at the moment. I have given Him my heart. This is my freedom, and this is my rest. I cannot loose. If you reveal any more of your love - I will explode in flames! This is love. He made you to be abandoned to Jesus Christ! Who is he? I will not be refused! Come oil me up like a kerosene lighter

I am pre-empting what is about to take place, to let you know that by the end of the weekend I will be in Israel

God's word never fails!

I was lying in bed, unable to move, because of a contracted flu, when my body relaxed because of this one phrase

To be denied would be like being uninvited to your own wedding

and like Intercession was not my very heart

What is God's word for me?

He loves me, and he wants to marry me!

This is my testimony, God's word never fails! I do not want provision, I do not want to travel! All that I am wanting is to say God's word never fails!

This is what happened when I asked "Lord, what is your will? how are you leading? guiding me?"

And he gave me a scripture!

Psalm 126:6

I have been wrestling with "Does God's word fail?"

He broke my flu

and then I went to sleep

God does nothing for you because you do things for Him. The only reason is because you are His favourite! He likes that you want to love Him!

I'm saying this, because today He has honoured me, and that's the whole point. I am not doing it because I want to have a position, but because I want to love Him.


When you intercede, you are achieving God's purposes on earth, because you partner with His heart, the whole point is that you are connected with his heart, it happens, because you are allowing God to achieve what He is wanting on the earth. It is His purpose!

The word Apocalypse means "unveiling" or "revelation"

God did it all

One thing that remains Love

When it's all said and done
there is only one that my heart is answerable to
Let my heart hear your voice!
And respond when you call out to me!

On the heels of travelling, I realized something that I want to discuss because it is worth it.

Consider that people call trips when you are going for a holiday, a "personal trip" or a "sabbatical" away from ministry.

People have been asked to do many things on outreach, things they have not wanted to do. People have gone out with a team, and are going to a plan set out for them. People have ridden on the work of others, and planted seeds, and made impact.

People have had to wrestle with unity, and the ultimate question.

What am I going for?

It was then that I had to make a definitive answer. "I am going for Jesus, he has to be absolutely everything"

We are on the heels of a generation that are crying out for intimacy. They are crying out for the God who is ravished by their heart, and they do not even know it.

I have to make it clear, the countries that I am going to I have never been to before, I do not even know what I am doing.

But in the words of a Misty Edwards song

I am lovesick for my Beloved
Only YOU can satisfy

This is the generation of Jacob
the generation who seek your face
and Only YOU can satisfy

Maybe all he is asking of me to share is the REST and satisfaction that I have found in Jesus, and to testify to it

Though I could say many other things, I want my wisdom to speak for me.

The ultimacy of rest

But I will dwell in your courts all my life
like a green olive tree, I will trust in the Lord forever
For this is my desire that will not be taken away
until I have found You here
There is a God in Heaven
I looked for the truth
and I found You

I will be sharing from my own experience today.

There are things that I can share with you,

Which are easy to understand

But there are things that I cannot share with you,

Which I can only speak to you

In such times, I find that the progression usually goes like this

"Their words" then "them" then "Him" then it is simply "you" in rest, and freedom.

His purposes are ultimate in rest.

Consider Psalm 52, where the man replies with his ultimate, being God and His sure safekeeping in His own presence, His own arms. Who would trade these things?

So when I am speaking these things to you, they will have the most meaning to you.

Does it fill you with joy that he makes His most delightful past-time "But I"?

The ministry of the body and the work of the devil

What is it that the body needs? according to James without the Spirit the body is dead. I am deeply loved by the body. And have all that I want, because we do not wrestle with flesh and blood.

While at church this weekend, I was confronted and asked questions about friendliness and the importance of conducting conversations. It has been taken into my heart. This ministry is what the body is needing, when someone, sensitive to the body, comes and brings an agreeing word.

However there are those that do not have the Spirit. The more and more that I am being led by God, I understand that I am not looking for purpose, but I am looking for the purpose. The purpose of the Spirit, coming through and enabling us, because without the Spirit we are dead.

Then the devil comes in, and tries to infiltrate, and frustrate what God has done. Is it possible that those who love Jesus the most also end up resisting His own purposes? I will just throw that in there.

Woe to the man that devises his own plans
who takes sides, playing favourites
Who says, "Who hears"
and "Who sees"
Will you not be snufffed out
and your contempt be seen,
and be ashamed
For I will mock you to scorn
and they who see what happens will know that God has done it
on the day that His Bride rises up to inherit His love

Take heed of this! God has done something. Any counterfeit would be glaringly different from the original, but if it is done subtly and feigned then it makes it a little more attractive.

In all this, I want to say, that it will happen that both come at the same time, one after the other, and have eyes to see it! ears to hear it!

For we wrestle not with flesh and blood

Giving up my rights

Today, has been a miracle of God proportions.

While sharing with my friends at church, one thing that came up, how would Steve and I get visas for America? To understand, I had been thinking about this question on Friday, before I met with Steve, and in passing He shared how he had said to God "Why don't you call people as you did - when they left their livelihood, family and life to follow Him" Perhaps there was something in this?

But I couldn't just impose that on him - both of us needed to be in agreement. That was when an idea came to mind. I could propose "that Steve would receive a sign, and that I will not be going to Jerusalem unless He receives one" Oh man! that solves all of our problems!

Let us take a moment to show how this all fits together.

I cannot assume that Steve is going to receive a sign, in Isaiah 7 we find the story of God, giving a sign to the King, so that He might have reason to believe. This then fits for him, because it is to be agreed, I am not in control of this

I win, because my freedom is not based on what others will say, but only that I have Him.

God wins, because in making this all about Him, He will get the glory for it all. As long as it happens at the appointed time, I am asking God "what are you saying?" I have heard from Him. This is my JOY.

Whether I am going or not (I cannot make this happen) the outcome is, I gain Him.

There is just one thing

A few days ago, God was my best mate, delivering me, and getting all the glory for it. I could not save myself.

But then it wasn't that I failed, but I slowly forgot. It was like the flame was going out.

But today, much superior, much better, and much more permanent, I have found the flame exploding within me, it was because I went through the fire, and His love became bolder. He ruined me so that I would make it utterly about Him.

This really is the real stuff, where I am sealed with His love, His love remains. So does mine.

It is far superior to be connected with God, all the way through the trial, and come out loving Him more, because you will never again ask the question "Why is the flame going out?"

It is because I'm searching, and not understanding, and in need of much love. You need to look further than the surface from now on when I say "the flame is getting stronger" You ask the question, but God saves you, and you are saved, and he delivers you and you are delivered. What are you talking about?

This provokes to no end does it?

There is an end to your strivings and to your searchings. He found me out in the wilderness - When He allured me by His love.

What is mature wine?

This age is going to end with a wedding (Isaiah 25:6; Revelation 19:1-11)

The question that I have on my heart right now, is "what is mature wine?"

It is love that gives all because Christ has given us His all. It is love that in thought, word, and deed is given out of an attitude "Take the world, but give me Jesus" if we loose our belongings, houses, forbid, even families, the trade is worth it.


I'm currently trying to make sense of all of this. I have recently come to understand better God's ways concerning me.

What a funny place to find myself in, where I am able to clearly look out over the expanse of God. One way of saying it is, "I know the eternal purpose of God"

It's from this place that everything else is rubbish.

Suppose I entertained what might be said against an ultimate reality like this. Then I would probably try to be doing something right now. But the fact is, I can do nothing.

I am the clay, you are the Potter. He broke me, and I am restored. But He doesn't just see me as a vessel that He will put on his shelf.

My Creator, created me to be the vessel of His glory, which He made to show the many-faceted wisdom of Himself.

He created me to marry Him, this was in His heart before creation. My praise is all that He is after, because He loves me.

My heart was made for Him, He protects me from everything, and He is my ultimate reality - that I cannot escape from. Even Jesus, when He was suffering, learned obedience by the things that He suffered. I am like someone that delights in the pain and travail, thinking of the JOY that follows.

O, You have made everything utterly about Yourself!

One Thing Have I Desired,
That Will I Seek
That I may Dwell all my days
in the courts of the Lord
that I may behold the beauty of the Lord
and inquire In His Temple

Open My eyes to See the Way you Do, Behind the Veil

A poem about suffering in the heart

Hello,

I was motivated after reading a friends blog, by a poem that He published, and remembered that I wrote one last night, which made me think afterwards "I wonder if this will be something of a timespot when I share it on Sunday" - Meaning to share it at church on sunday.

I'm really thinking about how my heart is broken, and God is allowing it to happen. That makes my heart throw myself into angry protest towards Him, about the thoughts of others, the pain of others, and the reluctance, and the joy of being able to give myself wholly to Him.

Is this what hearts are about?
being totally shattered?
Unable to pick up the pieces,
like tombs in a graveyard?

Are we made for death and misery and rejection?
unable to love?
is this what you are showing me,
When I look above?

For I have given my heart to you
and my heart will be renewed
and all that is broken and lost
I have found hope that you are my all

I will love in the strength that you have given me
because we are all hurting one way or another
I step on a trap, my legs grow faint
When I turn to the left my acquaintance is chained

The godless have no hope that they will rise
I reminisce my thoughts collide,
You will make all things good
For you are good

What will be said of me when I come out of the fire
refined?
Out of the darkness
in light?

I own up to the fact I could be wrong
but there is more to me than this song
You don't remember
All my tears are in a bottle

You have hidden my sins behind your back
They are no more
I will rise in strength
God will clothe me in grace
the humble have a voice
and God is working to save us

What is this place that I look with JOY upon tomorrow?

What is the most Important?

I find myself asking deep questions of late. This is one of them, but I cannot take the credit for it. I came up to spend time with Father and was asking Him "what are you giving me this day? this important day?" God of the Universe, creator of the Heavens and earth.

"Be like a little child"

It says, that "Praise will come out of the mouths of babes" (Ps 8:1)

A child praises when they see something worthy of praise. A child joins in singing because it is right to.

But of this, I can little share. When I am in the Kitchen, it is my devotion to Jesus that keeps me there, without His voice, without His presence, you could say everything comes unglued. It's not enough to call yourself a little child, but in every situation you will be seen one.

Even on this, little can I share. Maybe the answer is not just in calling myself a little child, but recognizing, I am a little child. That is where my identity comes from. Little children, need to hear from their Father, they need to be loved, they need to be fascinated, captivated, they need to be the center of attention, they need to know trust, they need to have their diapers changed, they need to be responsible.

I see a generation of adults behaving like little children, I see a generation of people that are waking up in the morning with one question on their hearts, I see a generation that confound the wisdom of the day, I see a generation free of chains, demonstrating kindness, power and love. I see a generation young and old, being taught, and most of all. I see a generation not tied up in the future, in the plans for tomorrow, but living in today, because that is where we are right now. I see a generation that loose their sense of dependance to any system, and breathe in expectation because there is so much more that can be achieved. That say to God, "Hurry up already! I am here and I have won!" I see a generation giving themselves whole-heartedly to worthless pursuits in the eyes of the world because their labor is not in vain, nor their strength in vain, God is my just reward. Did you not know that we have proved by our wisdom that we are not little children? And that there is a chilling voice in the gospels "We were like children in a market place, saying 'we played the flute for you, you did not dance, we played the dirge over you, you did not lament'"

Because they did not hear it. it went idly by in the generation of eating, drinking and being given in marriage. they did not hear it.

Who said that I was after my own popularity? do children worry about such things?
Who said that I was a lone stranger, doing only what I want? Do I not need my Father?
God's word is full of paradox. Without the center on God, everything will come unstrung. I do not want to compromise on the tension which exists in my heart.

I may be cut short here, but I feel like God is saying "proclaim this from the rooftops" Can one do this alone? Can I do this in my own strength? It's not just a good thing, I feel it is a declarative commandment. There is a fear in the heart of God. It is because He has unlimited power. There are only two people in this world, God's pawns, and God's sons (I mean not to be sexist, I mean that God has an inheritance for us - sons)

There is weight in the fact God says "I want you to be like a child" It is also something I can not take the credit for, nor do I say "Wait for it!" feel the tension in my heart when I say this. I was broken, I was disillusioned, crushed down, and His answer is "be like a little child"

Save me, O Lord!

"Save me, O Lord, for Your servant who trusts in You
Let me not be put to shame"

These are the only remaining words of what I can remember waking up to this morning - which I imagine to be what God is teaching me right now.

A few weeks ago God saved me dramatically from a slew of things - of which he has added to today.

While I say this, I want you to know, I am not grateful for the fact I am saved! I could not stop talking about it, how God, in his greatness, delivered me! For it was from myself, my enemy, and my God that God came through. You ask, why? Well, it's because He alone sees my heart! He alone loves me! The clouds unfurled their billowing darkness, but it has turned out for light for me!

God is the one who saves, not I! That means, nothing will seperate me from this love! The one thing that people are scared of asking "Why, O Lord" is the reason for my great deliverance! In fact, He repeatedly brings me back to this! Why? Why?

I am feeble, my thoughts are enough to put me in prison. If I am lost it takes little to be lost, forever. My own heart does not know what to say. It felt like my bones and my frame were on fire, and that when I came to, I still had not been delivered.

So who would have known, but that God during the time of sleep, went and did battle against them, and I woke up, a new man! My strength is liked a wild ox, my arm can bend a bow of bronze, I scoff at my enemy who has been vanquished forever.

Let me add a little guidance to this, If you are thinking "But why would He do that for You, and not for me?"

He is the greatest, He himself gets the greatest praise, Worship is the highest response to what He does. I have postured myself in my heart, to wait for His salvation and when He saves, I am filled with joy. No one will be saying to me "why is your face downcast?" in that day

The added dimension in this is this: If He could save me any time, in fact, if my weakness is so attractive to Him, why does He not come through for me? And you ask a very profound question. Selah

Reminder of the things that are Important

In recognition of the Father's hand on my life

I am repeating the distinction that I am living my life by

To love Jesus with a whole heart and to go anywhere He asks me to

This takes precidence over everything else in my life

This is why He loves me

Quietness of Rest

Continuing on the theme of rest.

When I came out of the lunch hall, I had a brain wave related to the way I treat others. Anxiety is not my portion, if I do not have something to say to someone, it's okay.

I have to ask the question, "what kind of anxiety it must have been for David"

Let us go to him and glean from His life.

It says, these famous verses in Chapter 16 of 1 Samuel

So it was, when they came, that he looked at Eliab and said, "Surely the LORD's anointed [is] before Him!" But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For [the LORD does] not [see] as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
So Jesse called Abinadab,
and made him pass before Samuel.
And he said, "Neither has the LORD chosen this one."
Then Jesse made Shammah pass by.
And he said, "Neither has the LORD chosen this one."
Thus Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel.
And Samuel said to Jesse, "The LORD has not chosen these."
And Samuel said to Jesse, "Are all the young men here?"
Then he said, "There remains yet the youngest, and there he is, keeping the sheep."
And Samuel said to Jesse, "Send and bring him. For we will not sit down till he comes here."
So he sent and brought him in.
Now he [was] ruddy, with bright eyes, and good-looking.
And the LORD said, "Arise, anoint him; for this [is] the one!"
Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward. So Samuel arose and went to Ramah.

You are the one that I want, Ye, you are the one!

I have been travelling with the Lord, in being taught, and listening to others, because it is a matter of my heart, that my way is made of peace. Listen!

There is a verse in Isaiah that the Lord quickened to me today

"For you shall go out with joy,
And be led out with peace;
The mountains and the hills
Shall break forth into singing before you,
And all the trees of the field shall clap [their] hands.
Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress tree,
And instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree;
And it shall be to the LORD for a name,
For an everlasting sign [that] shall not be cut off."

It relates to the captivity of Zion returning, but it also means that there is triumph had in walking in the straight paths of the Lord.

I was observing something quite amazing today, I remembered that in the time that I have now been at Oxford, 4 families/individuals, have had to move on, and YWAM has taken care of them. Here in I saw a pattern of God's heart, that he cares for us.

And that I am on a pilgrimage, a pilgrimage of His heart. In other words, "I am totally abandoned and let loose in the freedom of your love. You complete me!"

In fact, the point of the arrow in this is, God provides. And He rewards us! My prediction is that in the next few days He will provide to get my friend and I to Israel. Because there it is that I marry Him.

My enemy would try to rob me of my JOY, but we have WON. He anoints my heart into worship


He is the Father, where my parents have not been able to take care of me, He restores my heart's praise and worship.

I can be so confident, for in the multitude of councillors there is safety. I can even praise God when things are not going the way that I imagined, because He is my rock and my safety! Surely He will never let my foot slip. I will not be moved

I challenge you to live without any assurance in the circumstances that you are facing, and I dare you to have half the excitement that I have in my heart. This is evidence of God. We walk by faith - my prayer is Hebrews 11:1 would be your testimony in life

This is where the desire to become fully whole-hearted arises from!

The Beauties of Rest

I wanted to do a post on the ruining power of God, but today has been a day of remembering.

I do not know if this happens to be the seventh day, the day of rest, but I also remember that later it is called "Today"

What I am wanting to communicate more than anything else, in teaching and being taught, is REST. in the 63rd chapter of Isaiah is a verse that I will come back to

14 As a beast goes down into the valley,
[And] the Spirit of the LORD causes him to rest,
So You lead Your people,
To make Yourself a glorious name. 

LISTEN TO ME, he says after His action of removing iniquity of His people (a wonderful and amazing work in it's own right)

This is in the chapter 48 of Isaiah:

"For My name's sake I will defer My anger, And [for] My praise I will restrain it from you, So that I do not cut you off. Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My own sake, I will do [it]; For how should [My name] be profaned? And I will not give My glory to another. Listen to Me, O Jacob, And Israel, My called: I [am] He, I [am] the First, I [am] also the Last." (Isaiah 48:9-12 NKJV)

Listen to others, to hear what God is saying. This came from my heart after realizing I sub-consciously would not rely on others, but which God has restored. This really is a heart thing. I want to share this with people because I trust them to love them and allow them into my heart.




This kind of REST, is wholeness, it is more than just a freedom of thought, or even of your body, but it is God's commanding REST that exists in the heart. His desire is that we would have REST.

This REST is himself. In Psalm 27:1-4 we find that our desires war against our own sincerity to be totally His.

[A Psalm] of David.
The LORD [is] my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD [is] the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh, My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I [will be] confident.
One [thing] I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.

He Himself liberates us from our desire and we find peace.

Without God choosing us first, we run amock. It is God himself electing us for His own love that means restraints are left to the wayside, and we have what we ask for.

When He spoke to His disciples about this very thing we are talking about, Jesus finished with saying

 "You did not choose Me,
but I chose you and appointed you
that you should go and bear fruit,
and [that] your fruit should remain,
that whatever you ask the Father
in My name He may give you."(John 15:16)

While at church today, I found out the overpowering God finalizing REST that is better than strength. It happens to all be linked in the heart. I cannot do what I do without others. You see, I had this I will say, tendency to get angry and not to rely on others. I came to my friend Steve with all guns blazing, by the end of the conversation, I decided to change tack, and simply listen to what God had been speaking over me. LISTEN, show compassion, and mercy.

I needed to talk to my pastor, because God has been leading my friend and I to travel. The outcome of this conversation was total REST. no more striving on my part, in fact, all the things that were in a muddle became clear, and I knew what I must do. What I want to do.

God will, of course, make all the things happen. he will do everything. And he is everything.

I will reiterate it a THIRD time. LISTEN! This is love, and this is trust.
I will finish with these verses from Ephesians, where we exhort you to love one another by asking God, "how do you see this person? how do you feel about this person?"

For this reason I bow my knees
to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
that He would grant you,
according to the riches of His glory,
to be strengthened with might
through His Spirit in the inner man,
that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may be able to comprehend with all the saints
what [is] the width and length and depth and height--
to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge;
that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

God repays!

I was like, should I be writing this right now? Then I looked in my inbox and there was an email from Fujifilm, saying "WE REPAY!" in fact it has the title "FUJIFILM LOVES YOU BACK!"

I think God is speaking to me through this title.

Would you know that there is a connection between Zeal, Works, and Truth.

Here are a few scriptures:

Numbers 25:11 "Phinehas the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, has turned back My wrath from the children of Israel, because he was zealous with My zeal among them, so that I did not consume the children of Israel in My zeal"

John 2:17 "Then His disciples remembered that it was written, "Zeal for Your house has eaten Me up."

Even as I write this, I remember, that another word for Zeal, is Jealousy. These words are practically interchangeable when it comes to God.

Zeal is (according to google)

Definition: Great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or an objective: "his zeal for privatization"
Synonyms: ardour - ardor - fervor - fervour - enthusiasm

So if someone is zealous for God's truth, rather than being misguided, they will be guided by the principles that have been laid down. In other places in scripture, God simply says "My zeal will do this!"

Now, jealousy is
definition: The state or feeling of being jealous.
Synonyms: envy - heartburning - jaundice

Why does God's jealousy get referred to as zeal? that is what I aim to show.

It is because God rewards. How is this?

When I look at the examples of God's zeal in the bible, I understand quite quickly, how can I be compared to the Almighty in Zeal. Even David, inspired writes:

My zeal has consumed me, Because my enemies have forgotten Your words.

What this really means is "my zeal has killed me" because people have unjustly provoked God.
Maybe that's the point. Maybe what he's saying, is "How can I be compared with the Almighty?"

In the first verses that I quoted, it is a section in which Phinehas grabs a spear and puts an end to (literally) the objectives of opposing nations and to the plague that was unleashed from God's presence.

God is quoted as saying "I will give you an eternal priesthood because of your Zeal, which was my Zeal, you were zealous" Pondering this verse I realized, one of God's names is "Jealous Jealousy"
There are two points to glean from this. God says "You are righteous in your works, and I am going to repay you by giving you a priesthood that will not fail" the other thing is it says "Eternal" - He gives to us eternal life.

I feel somehow humbled at this, because of the mightyness and zeal of my King. Maybe what He is saying is literal, that we are to be wrapped up in God the Father, because His zeal is terrifying, and His jealousy, all-penetrating. It is because of Idols and Immorality (Numbers 25) and Merchandise (John 2) that these things simply "broke out" I remember somewhere, that it says God will not be provoked by Idols.

And that His zeal is very much safety. Let us be totally consumed and afraid of God. He comes to judge, He comes to repay, and He comes to give life. 

Being a friend of the Bridegroom

There seems to be a thread that is constantly being tugged at right now, I would be totally amiss if I did not let you know about it.

I'm finding it very difficult to put two and two together anymore, the reason is, because I keep on coming back to this one point. Which is His love.

What more do I have to say? The heart in me is not able to contain what I'm going through. I have to take a breather and say "God there is no more that I can do right now" - because to work right now, my works would not be fulfilled.

This is why I think on my day of rest, I have to REST. I have to say "God, I cannot do this without You" and allow Him to burn in me.

I want to share some things that I have found very helpful to learn in the process.

God is not wanting to repay you for mistakes you make. You are repaying yourself already, He just says "I allow you to do that!"

The most enjoyable moments in life do not come from those taken on camera, they are the times when I am in His presence, and then for lack of Him I begin to cry, I want to worship Him but I'm working! and then actually singing because of that love that is in me for Him.

It is being responsible for the true reason I am here, which is to provoke others to JOY by the JOY of my Bridegroom, NOT ME! If I was not here then I would be with Him.

Laughing when everything is not okay (atleast when the people look at it)

I have nowhere to go

I felt like the man, who had a brother, who said "no!" but then later said "yes!" who did the will of His Father?

I have learnt today, take God up on his offer, If he is saying "I want everything you are"

It is because there is no other place to be. When we give everything to Him, that is where whatever he has, that is what He is to us. I knew that I had been ambushed, the moment that I came into pray. The atmosphere electric, after just a few brief moments of looking I knew "something is definitely here!"

I have come home. The best part about it, is there is absolute freedom being who God made you to be. What can you say to a God, who says "there's more for you coming!" I am united to the God of all creation, he dwells inside of me. He calls me beautiful, tells me who I am, and he breaks impossible boundaries. He gives visions, interprets dreams, turns our boxes inside out, and wraps us up in His love.

The reason I know all of this is because it is true! Some may call it, "deliverance" I call it restoration, the lies get thrown to the side, and we see clearly.

The reason that this leaves me absolutely convinced that He is worth everything, is because the anxiety in my heart leaves, and even if I were to die today, I would be at home in him.

Two things. hearing God's voice. I was made to hear His voice. I listen. the words I hear, I repeat. There is no congestion between me and Him, it is a pipeline of heavenly download.

The second is this. When I am wanting to be filled up, He is the provider, He is the source. I just have to reach out and get it. My heart does leaps and bounds when I am filled up with Him, because He is my JOY.

I've been thinking, all day, about what to say to people, what's got to happen, It actually became a routine. But then my routine was busted. But this is why His love breaks through and why it's right to put Him where I do, in the glory seat! and it's not me! It's all him!

Daring and courageous in Love

It is a daring and courageous bride in agreement with the Holy Spirit that will bring back Jesus (Song 8:14; Revelation 22:17)

I am a little out of my mind to be sharing what makes this so phenomenal.

Just today I believe I heard from God. There are a few things that He has said:

It is because I have dared to ask the question "what do you see in others?" and sharing it, that now makes me walk in the fullness of His calling (Eph 3:17)

I believe I heard him correctly when he said, "Rejoice, you are going to Israel to marry Jesus" before even having the tickets.

I believe I heard him correctly to ask for an application form to staff Around the World School next year (If I wait until the end of this trip, there will not be enough time for the  application process to be finished)

I believe I heard him correctly to pray for the students and staff here, before they leave on the weekend, I believe I heard correctly to share the news face-to-face with those that I'm praying for.

There is a point when it really is ridiculous not to be spontaneously filled with JOY. This is one of those moments!

There is a point where you go from simply knowing that He loves you, to being the one whom He loves.

What makes this phenomenal is the lengths to which God will go to have my love! There's gonna be a wedding, and everyone's invited, and this is all for me!

Mark my words, all these things will come to pass, because He is the one that is causing impossible things to be happen

Yes, that means that I am asking that you would invest into what God is doing financially.

It's for this reason that I live and breathe! He totally wants everything of me! How could I not love Him! 

While at lunch today, I felt everything but daring and courageous, but I asked that people would pray, that I would be, in relation to speaking what was on my heart, to ask for financial support. I went up to God in the prayerroom, I'm glad that I did! why? because it made me more certain that I want Him to have all of my heart! I have been singing the song the whole afternoon with a bright smile on my face, only my Beloved can do that! only Jesus speaks the truth! In fact, Praise Him! we are to be cheerful givers that give out of our strength to invest into others.

In fact, I'm going to prophesy.

The reason that He wants me to pray for Israel, is because He wants my heart to overflow
The reason that He wants me to join in the celebration of outreach success, is because He wants my joy to be full
And the reason that I am going to be asking my friends for financial support, is so that the harvest will come in
You cannot seperate them. 

This day a Year ago

This day a year ago, started a 21 day prayer and fasting for Israel.

You can also keep up-to-date prayer reports by heading over to the web page here

Last years reports will still be available online.

Here is a document of the testimony and call to prayer and fasting.

We will be having prayer meetings at YWAM Oxford, at 6:30pm every night while the Prayer and Fasting is happening, all are welcome!

Leadership Lessons

What a wonderful time with Thor today! This is exactly how I am feeling right now. I am wanting to give my zealous answer to just beginnings of leadership with Jesus at the helm.

My heart says that what is most important has to be said: Jesus loves you very much. It is in his eyes, his words, his actions, his works and his love toward you. Also, that God is saying, love your neighbour.
This is in my thoughts, my eyes, my heart, my love toward Him. He is not just wanting us to live for Him, he is wanting to be everything in life for us.

This is where I begun leadership lessons 101 today. The best leaders I reckon, will be able to give everything to Jesus effortlessly, because that is the way that He is with us. But enough of that! While weeding the back of one of our properties, my friend took charge and give me orders to do. I asked Him later if he had a gift of leadership.

What a giant need we have, of people that will give and receive commands! I do not think that I could have done the job without His taking charge - being slow to start working, encouragement makes a huge difference when you are working, it makes everything better! This is one of those things, that being in YWAM, i have enjoyed alot, where everyone is able to receive from each other, whatever their point in life right now, to not be ashamed, nor to disqualify themselves from speaking up what they have to say.

My heart is now indebted to Thor for taking charge! This is something to aspire towards, for me!

What comforts me the most about leaders in the Bible, is all of them know God, and understand Him, each have lived the ways of God, but none more than my favourite, David. His own heart answer is, "I want to know God" and this is exactly where everyone starts. And exactly where God picks up the baton. This makes me come back to the relationship, and prayer, of Jesus. Give me the Spirit of God, rushing upon me, giving me experience in the knowledge of the ways of God!

Sure word of prophecy

While reading Isaiah today, and pondering the crucifixion, something sparked that I hadn't thought about for a long time.

Who says Jesus is who he says He is? and if He is, what does that mean?

I suppose these are two very simple questions.

I would reply by saying, "Look in the Prophets"

Consider Isaiah 52 (bear with the funny chapter divisions) it says

Behold, my servant shall deal prudently, he shall be exalted and extolled, and be very high.

In my eyes, this has to attest to Jesus perfectly. One of the claims He made while He was on earth was "I am the Son of God" - either He was a lunatic, or He is who he says He is. I find it very ingenius that it says "he shall deal prudently" because this actually claims how he thought, we have access into His very thought life.

I cannot specifically mention all the times that Jesus has fulfilled the prophetic word. There is a particularly incredible set of prophecies related to Him, that prove that it could not be anyone else (This is what the Prophet is making clear, and this is what the writer of the gospels is making clear by referencing them)

Consider when Jesus came into Jerusalem. It says

All this was done that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying: "Tell the daughter of Zion, 'Behold, your King is coming to you, Lowly, and sitting on a donkey, A colt, the foal of a donkey.' " So the disciples went and did as Jesus commanded them. (Matt 21:4-6)

Before you say anything, this is not saying "prophecy fixing" - looking into the words and trying to fulfill them. Consider that he came up to Jerusalem as they were chanting a messianic anthem: "Come, Son of David, Save us! Come, Son of David, Save us!"

In all of this, I am wanting to show you, that what Matthew is saying, and what the Prophet is attesting to in Zechariah:

"Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your King is coming to you; He [is] just and having salvation, Lowly and riding on a donkey, A colt, the foal of a donkey. (Zech 9:9)

Both are saying "Look! I see Him coming! and Look, He rides on a donkey" This means that He is to come back on a warhorse, because the donkey was a sign of peace, but the horse, it is the sign of war. (Rev 19:11)
This is just one, there are others, attesting to the fact that Jesus is who He says He is. It is written:

They said therefore among themselves, "Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it, whose it shall be," that the Scripture might be fulfilled which says: "They divided My garments among them, And for My clothing they cast lots." Therefore the soldiers did these things.(John 19:24)
After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, "I thirst!" (John 19:28)
For these things were done that the Scripture should be fulfilled, "Not [one] of His bones shall be broken." (John 19:36)

But what would we know? Without looking too deeply, I would have to owe atleast a great debt of regard to Him, it makes perfect sense to be avid students of prophecy, because of that regard. But the thing is, I don't just owe a great debt of regard, but I owe Him my life. It's not enough just to understand these things, it is right to give your life to them. He the word, who created everything became a man, to fulfill His own word. This means when we are studying prophecy, we are studying Jesus himself, and when we know the true word of prophecy, we are rightly giving ourselves to what matters the most important. My friends, there are still many prophecies to be fulfilled, and one man is still worth it all.

Daring and courage in the face of fear

I am now being so bold, that no one could resist me, I am turned away from my rejection and fear of failure. The Lion in me starts to roar, because I have tasted FREEDOM!

You ask how can this be? Because I am created to be who God made me to be. I am different, that is much a comforting thought for me, when I came home, I realized how much I'm no longer at home, when I come to friends and family, it makes me sad actually.

Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!

That can not be said of someone that has never come to the cross and stared blankly at His wounds and love. As much as my flesh would like to believe that His wounds have done nothing for me, that does not sit rightly with what He says of me.

If there is one thing that I believe is missing from the church in our day, it is this: Holiness.

I can not think of a more good thing in my whole experience thus far with God than the command that He constantly trumpets over me, "Get out, keep away, be set apart"

I challenge you to find a verse in the bible when someone has ever stood up for God, and what he had to say was not in direct opposition to what was the cultural and social norms.

Daring and courage in the face of fear will only come in the hindsteps of a revival of much cleanness and blameless life.

You ask, why would I embrace a life of weeping, of fasting, of sackcloth and ashes, of genuine repentance, of rejection, hunger, thirst, misery, longing.

Also know that every genuine revival has been followed up by a non-genuine revival which said it was OKAY to continue living the way you do, so long as you come with a heart that receives. These two things stand in utter contradiction. Your heart will believe what your mouth speaks.

In all this, I find myself, utterly amazed at God. He must really be put higher than anything else. What stands against us except everything that will be said to us, but that is just dross anyway, we know this from our own experience.

It is all about Him!

This morning I was faced with a perplexing dilemma, asking God, in regard to the feelings arising in my heart, why am I feeling this way?

I was feeling like I had no strength in me to do anything, much less give anyone else a testimony of God's deliverance for me out of my fears, and my own nature, and my enemy who tries to sow doubt, and division. Does this sound like your situation?

I want to give you some hope in your own situation, based on where I find myself now. God is not taking us on a rollercoaster ride, or on a roundabout, that none of us can escape from. It's not his intention to teach us lessons, through lifes struggles, it is to mature us.

That is a sigh of relief for me! You mean, I do not need to brace myself for the answer? I do not need to gird my mind with questions, before He's even answered? It's not some philosophy which makes me feel good, it does not give me a buzz at the start of the day (though this can happen, and often does!)

It's simply this, in times of trouble, where you are at your wits end, and your prayers go unanswered, when you are confident in praise, but in your heart saying "why, O God?" that's my God for me! His sense of my trouble is... brace yourselves... my absolute peace. You ask why that is? It's because our own thoughts get in the way, they hinder us, But God's thoughts toward us are perfect thoughts.

I am not in a drama class, learning how to play my part, my answers or my questions do not arise from learning the latest philosophy. What brings God the most pleasure, and the most glory, is when we are at our weakest.

Who can teach like this? who can make our hearts receive freedom, rather than restlessness. Lord, if you are bringing much precious gold, out of my worthless dross, if you are convinced my love for you is real, and that you would have it at any cost, be my peace, be my rest. He deserves our love, and our praise, and our feelings of uneasiness, he deserves the morning dew that falls down. It is better to be whole-hearted and abandoned than to live in isolation to His love.

God is the Greatest!

I feel I can empathize with the Israelites under Egyptian tyranny.

When it is not a few hours, but days, in and out, deadening your body.

Did you know that it was 500 years that they were in Egypt? What is more, they had one word, spoken to their father, that they would be delivered. This is their hope.

He spoke to them then, by Moses, telling them

Exd 2:24 NKJV - So God heard their groaning, and God remembered His covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob.
Exd 2:25 NKJV - And God looked upon the children of Israel, and God acknowledged [them].
Exd 3:7 KJV - And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which [are] in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows;
Exd 3:8 KJV - And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey; unto the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites.
Exd 3:9 KJV - Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel is come unto me: and I have also seen the oppression wherewith the Egyptians oppress them.

I think I know what matters most in the time of trial. It is simply this: knowing that God believes in you, and that He is with you in the labor.

It actually made the whole thing, make me want to keep on at what I was doing.

Why is this? the comfort of His presence. I have been sighing with relief all day, which I have taken to be recognition of receiving what He has done for me.

It gives me perseverance, to know that God believes that I can do it, and that He is actually with me in the labor.

The reward of doing something that I do not enjoy doing! God has healed me of a bad work ethic today.

I felt like going into the lunch hall and encouraging those who were working with my testimony.

In fact, it's answered the whole thing of being a spiritual elite fasting. When they have it the wrong way round! You do not fast because you're some elite, you fast because there is a better reward in God for you.

All of the ones who have done the fasting thing, have been the ones that have a dead weight which they can only be comforted in Jesus. He commands us to die daily.

This love that he has given us, it is better than the greatest things in life, I find myself agreeing with Paul, that I am compelled to share this good news. Even when I am sorely treated, or weak.

There is coming a day when the natural order will be restored, and we will love Him without reservation, we will be filled with His power on the inside, until that day comes, we live the right way on the earth, by being addicted to His love and dying so that we might live. I have found the motivation to carry on!

Strengthening your inner man

How do you do this?

When reading Matthew 22 yesterday I happened upon a question to stimulate what is being spoken. It's like Jesus is saying "I want you to love me with everything, by first seeing the way that I love you, the way that I see you, the way that I feel about you" This is a working definition by which I hope to build upon.

While praying today and yesterday I have had the honor of seeing the way God sees others, from His perspective. Alot of what happens during the down times is "but what if?" or my own lack of confidence in the truth that God has spoken. One thing that He has shared with me is that all that comes out of me is actually motivated, and sourced, by the heart.

Think about this: When you prophesy, you prophesy according to your gifting. When you dream, you dream according to your understanding. When you love God, it is according to His rules and freedoms. He's not just asking you to change your thinking, he's asking you to change yourselves.

My ability is the outflow of what He's already gifted me with. Lets go back to the original statement, Strengthen my inner man. He promises, that we will have life in Him, rooted and grounded in His love, having faith in Christ.

That is something to latch onto, hear that word, "promise" If he does not, you can bank on nothing working. Utmost dependability comes out of this bedrock assumption, that we bank on God's promises to be true. And if I speak with authority then what comes out of me can be trusted.

What is our great God doing in our day? What are we to look out for? He himself is raising a generation that will go for Him because He will prove himself

How does He lead me?

This is prompted by some things that have happened today, during some time in the prayer room. Firstly, I would like to make it quite clear, that the leadership that I'm talking about is heart leadership. I do not make decisions any more unless my heart is in it. This is quite a journey!

The idea to give your heart to someone doesn't just happen one day, but this is the thing that must happen. When it comes to God, he is the only one that can make this happen. He has to start the whole thing. I have to admit, that this is something that I myself am journeying on. But there is a day, when, Him coming, He will marry you, you have to prepare yourself for that.

There's nothing more important in a marriage than the day that you get married. In jewish culture this day happens first. It is God's prerogative to start loving You. What does He say to me? What does He say to everyone? Your weakness and your sincerity ravish His heart. That is right, when He looks at you, He says "in your weakness I see your love, your sincerity ravishes my heart"

But, like this one, you probably find the idea quite impossible right now. I can remember the whole affair as if it was yesterday. While in my little room in the hyatt, while thinking about spiritual warfare, grabbing scriptures and what not, I heard a voice say "I have something better than grabbing scriptures, You are married to me, Ask for the seal of divine love" at this I ran into the boys room and said "You all will have to get married to Jesus, because this is the most important army that you will ever be a part of"

While on the way to home, I would say "seal my heart with divine love" and it would fill my heart up. Though I had made a commitment to allowing God to pursue me with His love, and burn on the inside, there was more that needed to be done. When I came to church on Sunday, God gave me a scripture from Esther, it was Uncle Mordecai adopting esther as His daughter. Burning in my heart, I stood up and prayed this scripture. Then I understood that I needed to enter into daughter's school. My heart is yours, O God.

This is because I believe that many are not ready for God's unbridled affections for us, He wants us to hop across this ditch and commit, like Esther, to be brought before the King. If this is speaking to your heart, then pray to God "I know that you are speaking to me, I will commit to your pursuing of me" Wait for Him to confirm it

He is my Husband!

These words are the first words out of my mouth, as God put on my heart the verses in Isaiah 52:2
And when he put on my heart Isaiah 30:18 this afternoon it filled me with a strange warmth.

I am thinking of the peculiar love of God.  He has liberated me, This is in the words that He has also given me.

O my dove,
[that art] in the clefts of the rock,
in the secret [places] of the stairs,
let me see thy countenance,
let me hear thy voice;
for sweet [is] thy voice,
and thy countenance [is] comely.

OH NO I DID KJV AGAIN!

Oh that I would latch onto the love in these verses. You are beautiful, my love! He wants to see my face, He wants to hear my voice!

In his words is praise

While reading and praying today, I had to ask the question, how is it, that we think He abandons us?

None of what the world holds as attractive holds me at all. I am throwing them away as unclean things.

What makes Him so attractive? it is the very things that set my soul alive and free.

The savour is in being chosen by Him for this peculiar love - which we must confess to others, especially when there seems to be a roadblock. I am speaking to myself when I say this.

He happens to be the one who commands us to take road blocks out of the way.

Entering the Worship Circle

Life is filled with paradoxes, especially in God. I find scriptures, like this morning, where I came into contact with the two-fold purpose of God in the harvest - both prayer and missions. Taking this approach I'm going to adopt a new lifestyle.

It's not enough that we are worshippers of God. When we are at rest, Praise, is what you do when you are itching to go further. Praise is what makes you confident in the face of no circumstantial evidence. I'm speaking to myself when I say this.

Praise is when you are wondering, "should I speak up what is on my heart?" Praise is the lifestyle of the one who has been bitten with the worship bug. We find that praise is the deathblow to the inhabitants of the earth.

I can't keep quiet when I'm constantly drawing from that place of absolute life. I am speaking to myself when I say this.

This is because it is the most natural thing to do, you can't help but praise when you have something that you are excited about. He wants us not just to bring praise at meetings, He wants us to ooze praise, and be lovers of God (praise and love are very similiar)

What are you waiting for? the doors are open, you are in the presence of the King, He is worthy of praise! Offer Him Highest Praises! This is the kind of covenant that He establishes, one of unbridled praise, and spontaneous joy!

The days of my joy

It turns out, that on the day that I have not posted, something huge has happened, and it is rightly that way. I was looking at someone's notice board in the office today, which gave a prayer of Divine Ordering. I thought nothing of it, but after sending an email off, I knew that this is exactly what God is doing right now. It's not the first time, after coming back from Israel last year, God led me to consecrating my life afresh to Him, allowing God to remedy relationships, open the right doors, and change habits, it's the best idea in the world! So in light of this change, I have decided, "why not tell exactly what is happening?" after all, This is how others will be changed by what God has done in my heart. God is showing me off to the world, because He loves me! and He wants the world to know it. While in Israel last year, I was on a mission, he brought me there, only to observe, to take in the sights, and to give a good report. He gave me a scripture from Numbers, where it says Caleb and Joshua (with the other spies) went out to see the Promised Land. I remember feeling afterwards, the whole point of going was because I needed to bring back a good report. In fact, I was glad to be there, try to communicate this in a way people will understand. But this is the same attitude people come to a wedding. They do not ask "who is this day for?" or "what is going on here?" Everyone knows, that this is the day in which the Bride and Bridegroom are coming together. We have here a picture of what God is doing in me. I will invite all of you to be with me in Israel, for my wedding, on the 2nd of August, 2012. Don't even take my word for it! Just listen, and ponder, like Mary, in your heart.