At the time, I entered into this because I wanted to know God more.
Just today, I was looking at how to give God everything. On thinking about how we all sin, and how our whole life is defined by that way of being, and in fact we all talk about breaking through and achieving freedom from the things that are inside of us, I realized something. To God we are sons, and to God we are daughters, we are all children of Him (Acts 17) we don't need to do anything to seek approval from Him, and what we are is not defined by what we do. However, God is God, he is our Father. When wrestling with God, Jacob asked "to bless me [with you]" he looked on the face of God, the shining of His face is the light in Heaven (Rev 21) the shining of His face is the acceptance of Sons, it is the security of daughters, it is the belonging of children. The shining of Jesus face is the filling of everything in Heaven above.
That's why I've decided to make a new commitment. This one is not like the commitments I have made before, it's not based on my performance, or my doubts, or my failings, it is a commitment I make with God above. It is already in force because I know Him whom my soul and all my heart and flesh desire. I am already consecrated by Him, as the shining of His face is the blessing that I am blessed with. I am not doing this for the sake of adding to something.
It says in his word the obedient heart follows. It says that you cannot really trust God if you don't obey. You can't become partners with Him, if you are hesitant about what you are going to do. I heard this earlier this week, when someone said that the reason most christians don't achieve great things is chiefly because they have never given God everything. You have to repent of not giving God everything. Let's make this relevant. I've been playing video games, knowing it was wrong, because I was only doing it for the sake of belonging, acceptance and security. I was doing it because I had pre-meditated myself to what it does. I bought into it, I was sold into the idea and then I worshipped it.
But it doesn't have life, it doesn't produce feelings, it doesn't cultivate intimacy, it isn't the reason you were born, it doesn't add to the security that you feel in your being, or crown you with every joy and passion.
I'm endeavouring by this commitment that I'm making, to do what has not been done before. Would you consider committing to being consecrated? If you're like me, then the prospect of a future is kind of apprehensive. What you're needing is confidence in what God says, and his plans and purposes. I'm not saying this in a vacuum. for me when I made the commitment to be anointed, i knew that I wanted to know God more.
Recently I went to a prayer and worship meeting organized by Kate and Noah Cremisino. I was marked. The conversations that I had, the people that I fellowshipped with, and the joy of simply being in God's presence literally broke me free from the chains of not being able to call God Abba! I realized then that we are all lovesick worshippers, and that our identity comes from being the one that Jesus loves, and in our being is crying out for Himself. and choosing with our energy to live for Him. meaning, its enough to simply think of Jesus. that's proof we love Him. People don't do that unless they choose to, they don't stand up in front of people and pour out their heart to Him in a vacuum. It's because He means that much to us, and its a joy to live entirely sold out for Him, because we know Him to be worth everything.
At the end I went to the front handled the mic and shared about how I called God Abba, and about how the direct result is i see my brothers and sisters as family, and have for the first time connected that He is my Father who chose me because of love for His Son, to ransom me from sin. My worth is astronomical to Him, but it's simply this, that He is my Father. He chose me, He loves me, delights to love me, and purposes all things as extensions of His love.
Just to let you know, from this post I'm planning on getting consecrated again. I think in the second instance the joy will be far greater. He planned this in my mind, because I specifically remember talking to my friend Steven Thorne because I saw Him in the crowd as I was encouraging people with the testimony of calling God Abba. He asked me why that was, I had no answer. now I do. I know that God wants me to be consecrated by him, because He is a Father himself, and I know him (there's so much more to say, but when God does something all there's left to do is obey!)
I'm aware that the nazirites in the day consecrated themselves, this was an extension of giving their whole lives to God - that they would undoubtedly do strange things to receive more from God. I'm obeying the command to be consecrated in this respect. It says in the word if anyone of the tribes want to give everything to God, that they ask the priest to consecrate them.
It is also because I know him, that he appreciates symbolism. But it's more than symbolism because this is my life. I need to say this, as an extension of what I shared before. It is a deeply emotional thing that I'm doing, because I can say how good God is! who he is! and where my confidence in life comes from!
Consider the verse in Psalm 27, where it says
"I would have despaired, unless I had believed, that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living"
Brothers, you will despair of hope without being connected with God. You will stake yourself on God because of His goodness, and see it with your own eyes. None of us can hope to achieve great things being outside of God. I'm offering you a new way to look at it
"I believe
and I will see
the goodness of you Lord,
will I yet live"
Let your faith totally rest on God, that in the end the belief in God will outweigh the pressures related to the journey that you're on.
This is what David, in experience, knew. You can see that he was no slave, and he was no jaded person. He said it as it was. He did not cloak himself and do evil. He was pressured by the world as He saw it. He was aware of God, and that was the only thing that mattered. None of us can say we are righteous by our deeds. None of us can fully comprehend God, when He says "I will reward you for your good" both in how you act, and in His desire to bless.
It is utterly beautiful what God says.
Psalm 84 is a psalm that unlocks the heart to worship
in it the joy of the psalmist is evident in every word, as He approaches before God. Not only does it identify security (that the sparrow finds a place to rest her young) but also the state by which He himself is lovely (because of His dwelling) the chief beauty of his dwelling, heaven, is because He is there. That is why grace and glory and goodness are intertwined. It is because he knows that the loving heart will cry "Heaven is filled with the light of You" You can't look in the scripture and not see the passionate heart of God being expressed by those that love Him. Don't see love like it's only capable of being from one to another. Don't look at God's love and say "His love is so utterly immeasurable to me" (what can I give to Him?) surely when you love another person, you are loving yourself? surely when you look at God's love, you are yourself loved?
And he did everything to make it so for you, He left nothing undone that needed to be for You to know Liberty. It's true that there are a bunch of things that you do, that are not connected to God. You have to go to school, have to go to work, have to check emails, go to doctor's appointments. where is God in that? If I go and choose to forget my own identity and destiny, and all in between, then my heart, it really needs liberty. It needs to live again.
For me it was true that I put those things as opposing the idea of God, and didn't confess that my living, breathing and moving is in Him. that's what I think happens when you find worth in what you do. You can't rest. You can't appreciate that God is enough. the idea of doing public speaking, or doing tests, or talking to people, going to games, or the nervousness you feel in thinking no one will think of you when you're gone. that was my story. It's not the end of it.
For me, how wise the ancient Hebrews were!
they dwelled in the tent of Shem, they are the success story, the ones that God looks at. the mighty men who risked all, the various people in various places that stood up for God in the arena. The people infused with life on the inside, the faith that moves mountains, and conquers kingdoms. That refuses to give up, that presses in if only that He might come. that stands on promises and gives grace to hearers, the ones that purpose to live for love in a day and age that works for profit. Isn't that precious? isn't that worth it? Isn't the purpose of God's heart, to aid refugees, enough in itself? isn't the great likelihood that those who do such things are also looking at God's face, staring into love, and hearing His applause, saying "this one I have given all for" this is not a vacuum. This is not some cheap experiment it is the audience of Heaven and the song that they sing is "Worthy is the Lamb!"and "Salvation belongs to our God and to the Lamb" you are not alone, and you are not forgotten. You are precious because He says your beautiful. the fragrance of your love enough because you know Him. What i mean is, that if you want to appreciate the real beauty of someone you have to know them. There's no excuses.
I got worked up there. All you need to know, all anyone needs to know, is precious! beautiful! worth it! being able to love again is the sweetest thing in my life right now. Being able to intertwine God's story with my own, that is the best. My heart, God is enough! I will yet praise Him! I will yet choose Him! Can you hear the cry of a worshipper? I don't think that love is enough, i know its enough. I know its everything. I know with certainty that Jesus is applauding me in Heaven and that with my breath, the breath that He gives me, it is enough. God is enough and will ever be my portion in this life.
You should probably know my biggest anxiety is the way to relate to my tutors. I've already tried to be confident before my tutors, but if I'm not confident, gosh I can tell myself strange things when I have a warped idea of what people say - coming from my past of being bullied, and treated shamefully. It's precious. it's life! it's worth more than rubies! It's worth greater riches than gold! For all that's good, I have to believe in love.
And that if I withhold things, its not because of fear, it's because of trust again.
I hope you've been blessed by the possibility of life. What has happened for you? what is your story? what is it you're struggling with? you may not want to be consecrated -
For me, consecration is the way to purity. consecration is the way to boundless life. consecration is the way to pursue victory over sin. So I will fill myself of God wherever and whenever I can. That is why I am being consecrated.
I think of it in terms of a marriage vow. I'm dependent on Him.
A testimony is powerful. this is what I've given today. If you want to know, come to me. I will try to make known.
All I'm saying, my prayer for you is that you increase in the knowledge of God, and that you find his heart, and that you have the courage to accept Him, and to leave it in His hands. Don't fret about tomorrow, or anxiousness you have regarding where things are coming from. Hidden in the heart of God is enough for every need of your heart. I'm telling myself this, since I am looking at the future currently. I'm ending my degree, my student allowance is ending, and I am only secure financially because of the generosity of others. Isn't that the way to live? my name means gift.