This comes to you from Christchurch, while I am visiting my parents house. I rather like that term, because the idea of visiting means it is not my permanent residence, but that is a kind of a paradox, I will tell you what I mean.
I had a strong feeling that I was supposed to be in Oxford for the week, I remember being sick in my stomach while getting prepared to go back to Oxford on the 6th of May, but it wasn't dissuading me from fetching a ride with Deb out to Oxford (she had been in Christchurch visiting family - so fetching a ride with her was easy enough) But I had looked in my bank account and found no money there, but I knew I was supposed to be there. While sitting down at the morning tea table with Elmer we had a conversation in which God had meant for it to happen because not having any money to my name I was able to encourage Elmer to be here - because I knew I was also supposed to be here.
Actually by that time I still had a sick stomach, and thought to myself, "How can I be here for working? when I am unable to even sit down without feeling sick" However I was made well to work, but also to attend the lectures, which had been on my heart to do.
Later the week the opportunity came up to really share what was on my heart, that my identity does not come from what i do. NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER! Isn't that the heart beat of Sons? In fact, though I did not know Elmer very well, I was really able to converse with Him, and find out a bit about him. This had been my prayer to God earlier in the week - In fact, every day God was making my contemplation bear fruit. So it would seem, that God had something in store for me, being at Oxford related to the teaching I was listening to. It was pertinant to what I was going through.
This should be enough to convince any sceptic of what God has in fact been doing, but I have not even begun yet!
I ought to say, this is the heart beat of a little child. because God has said it before, that the thing that He values in me is being a little child. I need to hear it from God first, then when people testify about it to me, the feelings rush right in.
I guess this makes me have to declare a few things
1. I do not have any money, this is one of the blessings of being God's child (which I am one)I want to clarify the first and second points. I mean, that I am in the place that God has for me, regardless of any plans to be contrary to that. I know that He wants me to be there. This is the only reason that I am here - because what matters most is that I am most about what God has for me. What i mean is, Do not forbid me of my boast!
2. I do not know where I am going, I came to Christchurch only because I had to move out.
3. I want to be connected with God's heart, this is more important to me than my fragile circumstances
4. I will flourish in this place, because God makes me to flourish
God has not stopped with me because I have turned my back on Him, or even forgotten what He had promised to me, before I left Oxford, which is that I am going back to Christchurch because I am His bride. He is committed to doing me good, even when I am not. That has to be the best news ever!
I'm a little child, I cannot be thinking about plans and decisions and anything like that!
After I left Oxford, God has been bringing things into clarity, namely what is on my heart for victory and faithfulness and trials. I had to go through a trial not having answers for "where am I going?" and "what work are you looking for?"
That is why I say, being at my parents house is a paradox, because the truth is, I will flourish wherever I am. I need to say, that I still intend to go on a journey with Steve, because God has said it.
Don't you see the miracle God has done? That he has called the things that are not, as though they were. He told me the very thing that tonight I would have an ah ha moment on, that I am His Bride whom He loves. This has only matured my love for Him and convinced me that what He has for me is good (which I know to be true!) And it's assured me of His promise that I will be going with Steve on a journey. Be a part of this adventure with me!
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