The why behind Awake

LORD, you know what I need

Your thoughts are above mine

This is why I come to You in prayer.

You give to the sinner forgiveness from sin

You give to the condemned love that begins

You give to me a hope that endures

Come love on me again!

You make me assured, accepted

You adopt me as a Son by Jesus Christ to yourself

I belong to You

Come renew my heart

Come bring these dead bones

To live again

Come make whole this divided heart I see

You will come and marry me.

Come awaken love from the depth of me

Break these divided longings

As I break these waves that crash over me

And hold me close to You

I will be held by the everlasting arms

My God is acquainted with my sufferings

This is what wakes me up in the morning

My heart is surrounded by ravenous wolves

You have made me to eat of the fullness

My soul, O my soul, is surrounded by the anthems of the world

Awake, that I may sing again

Turn my heart away from the dreary melodies

I want to dance, yes sing again

Of the pure anthem of the LORD

Which makes me sing again. 

This was written during one of my anxious times, I wrote it because I wanted to get out of the place I was in, and commit my way to God. It is a good starting, because I’m honest about the feelings that I have, and about getting out of them.

I think if we’re all honest we go through times and seasons when we don’t feel 100% that’s when we really need to dig deep and find a solution to our problems. I have found that in God. It’s because I can be totally honest with Him that I know that I can trust Him with everything.

Let us come to God with everything, because He has entrusted Himself to us, whether we are feeling 100% or down in the dumps. It’s this kind of relateability that makes us united with Christ in life’s ups and downs.

the why behind "A Safe Haven"

Hello everyone,

In commemoration of releasing my ebook “You are my glory” on Amazon, I am starting a series sharing the why behind certain poems that I have written, so you can better understand what I am trying to capture when writing these poems.

If you want a reader for these files, you can use Calibre to view them. The website is found here.

I will start with “A safe Haven” which has John 15 in thought.

 

Trapped in stormy seas,

Darkness traversing, the winds are blowing

On the sails of a boat set adrift

It is the take of a mariner’s discovery

Of ports unsailed and depths untraveled

The stars are declaring the glory of God

Their glistening shedding light on a darkened landscape

And the mariner’s traverse still, it is a

Battle that cannot be won

I have been sailing

But no one told me where to sail

I have been traversing,

But no one saw where the light was turning

I am convinced that it is supposed to be this way

Because no one ever lost their compass

Steering the vessel ever forward to the

One light that keeps me steady

Keeps me safe

I came to a port

Where the waves no longer blow

Where traveler had made a passing

Going to the higher horizons

Where the stormy winds no longer blow

Where the doves make their roosts

In the crags of the rocks

The doctors shared the mend

Needed in my sails

The nurses showed me where

The darkness had left a burning seer

The sails were mended

The galleys filled

The tight ropes for the eye man restored

 A sea crew were commanded

A voyage plotted

This was done without my hand

Without you a commanding

Without you a restoring

I now know that it as life that way

Being woven into me again

I now know that I had lost the Reins

I had need of some direction again

More than this I

Need the hand of one who has

Been through what I’ve been and has compassion

My thoughts are returned to order

My hands are now on the steering wheel

I want to drive, I want to sail!

When I began to read the chapter of John 15, I clung to this idea that God is my life, and not my own.

He is the life in me, when I am in this place, I am able to fully comprehend what He has done for me, even what spiritual life is going through me when I am interacting with others.

The second reason behind this poem of mine, is that I must give myself entirely to Him to find what is His. This is something that I practiced doing while talking with my doctors, I resolved never to put stumbling blocks in the way of my recovery, because I knew that I was in a safe place, and no one knew this more than God.

This gave me great confidence that I was in God’s hands, and that He was in charge of my recovery – whether in reading or in contemplating on His voice I was able to hear His voice as I recovered.

If you want more, read my book!

Celebrate

Hello everyone,

I am excited to be able to give you a snippet from a song that the Lord gave me just in the last few weeks. Allow the JOY to consume you!

Celebrate @ Soundcloud

Download is also available from the track page.

What has God done in me?

This update will not have any photos, I am sorry, I have not been very contientious about finding things that capture my fancy. The good news is, lots of stuff as been happening

I am glad to report, that I have finished a draft of the book that has been on my heart for a while now, “Sound the Trumpet in Zion” about my travels to Israel, and the journey that God has me on since then. Also I have finished the first draft to a book of Poems I have been writing, entitled “Hospital Poems” that have their theme based on what things I have been in circumstantially, but also processing what things God has been speaking to me.

In some ways, I have improved emmensely, in others, I am still falling behind. Let me explain. For instance, after a dinner with a few friends I was filled with the Holy Spirit while doing dishes after this, I went to spend time with Jesus, and pray for my friends. This sure sounds like a incursion with the Lord right? Well I have learnt that I am also involved, because I allow Him to be who He is to me.

But in other ways I am still falling behind. I am still finding it difficult to trust Him. You see, I have been through a huge crash in terms of, “Why O God?” I am happy to actually be asking that question of God. It has at it’s essence something I learned just this weekend. He is my security. You see when I was away at camp this weekend with Young Adults Group, I felt a little out of control in the bad way. I was concerned that I would not be able to spend time with Jesus as I could and should. But it was also a very good time away, where I learnt that I am an adopted Son, and that He has saved me from slavery to sin, this is something to talk about!

Most importantly, I found out that my identity and value is found in His redemption, He has poured out his precious blood, showing me how much value I have that he would pour out His divine blood – more than a lamb, and more than white as snow, that He is the precious and sinless atonement.

It has made me think twice about the things that have been showering over me, in terms of making a ways to improvement and being a healthy vital part of society. I say this with a little snicker because I know that God isn’t interested in things such as these. Not that I’m saying that all of it is bad, but I have learnt that so far as it is about our outward behaviors, it doesn’t actually do anything to changing the motivations. What I’m talking about is how useful my doctors, people and friends are.

In saying all this, I do not mean that I have ignored what God has said about me, in fact that is what keeps me going! But as I learn about what God says about me, I am confronted with the things that are not of God, not just lies, but unredeemed thoughts and they are the things that I am focusing on now.

I have learnt that you cannot change motivations from the outside, it has to be from the inside. This is shown in the way that God has been on my case and is part of a poem that I have written:

I am floating on my feet now I see

They were not like that when I began

I have noticed the times people have used the phrase, “I feel” because I am probing the truth for all that it is worth.

This is one of the names for the Holy Spirit, “parakletos” or “Truth Keeper” it is mentioned in the verse John 16:13

However when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak, and He will tell you things to come

The way you can tell someone is not accepting the truth is they will snap at you when you tell them the truth. This is like when someone denies that they do not know everything. As opposed to this, the truth is able to know right from wrong.

The word says that we will love the truth. The truth is accepting of God, because without God, there is no Holy Spirit, who is the Spirit of Truth. As you might have heard before: “Truth is a man”

We are in a error prone society, one that believes what they want, and is devoid of conscience. When we believe the lie, sin skyrockets. It is not so hard to understand then that as we are advocates for righteousness, so also we need to be advocates for the truth, because I am not going to believe the lie that I can believe anything that I want, the one who says such things is shamefully unaware of authority, which is a respector of God.

I don’t know exactly why I need to share this, but I do want you to know that there is a connection between our being followers of Christ, and lovers of the Truth.

In finishing, I have just a few requests of you.

That you could pray that I would allow God to do what he is doing in me, in terms of security, identity and purpose

That I would have the strength to share my weaknesses with those people that I need to

Times of God would yield answers to the “Why, O GOD” that I am currently dealing with that stresses me out.

I would REST in Him

Parachute Outings

I have had a marvelous experience at Parachute this year. It’s hard to believe it has all happened. In the words of my friend Brian, “You have turned a new leaf” I will go on with what He said: I am reminded of two songs, Boldness of Love by Jimmy Hendrix, and “They will know we are Christians by our love”

Let me tell you a few stories of some things that have taken place. While having lunch with Sandy and Graham (the directors of Voice of the Martyrs NZ) I was sharing my highlight of that day while at the booth (I will call it this from now on)

I had been thinking about China, and it occurred to me there were many human’s rights violations towards Christians in China. Then sandy shared a story of a church in China, they had been harassed by the government, forced to move from building to building to coordinate their meetings. This ended with them finding a forest to meet in. As she was sharing this story I became quite emotional, that was hard to believe! We have a responsibility to stand with them, against the human’s rights violations that are rampant there.

So I came back to the booth. During this time at the booth a man was startled at the use of our stocks, I shared the why behind it that I have a friend who was a witch doctor in Laos – who converted to Christianity, needless to say, it wasn’t good for Him not being a witchdoctor, you see as part of their culture, they tolerate the use of witchcraft. Turning from this is like turning from your family.

I shared this story, and came to what was happening in China, the human’s rights violations that were taking place, and about praying for them. He was very encouraged and courageous to get in the stocks and show where his allegiance lies. That’s with Jesus.

At the end, I said “you know what you just did, you plundered the kingdom of darkness, and brought it to light, would you like to do some more?” you see prayer is none other than plundering the kingdom of darkness in these countries. We have a newsletter that we send out to help people pray for those that are in prison, forced to meet in forests, turned away from their families, and keep praying, after all, It says “remember those who are bound as bound with them in prison” I  believe when the writer of Hebrews said this, he was of course thinking of prayer, because previously he had said “do not give up the meeting as some of you have thought of doing” we are commanded at the end of the gospels to go to every tribe, tongue, people and nation.

I have another story that I would like to share with you. Being at the booth it stirred up some feelings in me, that regardless of my fear of sharing, Jesus gives me courage. This was evident when, as a group of youth came to the booth, I could see they were talking, I said “Can I be forward with you? I have a question to ask of you” They were open so they listened to me. I said “do you know about my brothers and sisters in arms?” They were a bit lost, so I said “There’s only one thing in life that will truly satisfy, when you are convinced death is gain, and when you have something that satisfies in life, this is Jesus, because He himself has shown His great love for us”

Then another guy, who was blown away by us, took me aside and asked if he could pray for me. I will share with you what He said, because I believe you are praying for me. He had a picture of a table full of stuff, and all I have to do is to take it with my hands, that there was a huge table full of things, and confidence is where you can take a hold of it, that God wants me to share from my heart, just as I have been doing.

 

One of the guys who I talked with previously also took me aside and said, “What you did just there, God wants you to do that more, where you said ‘Can I be forward with you’”

There are so many stories of which I can share with you from the experience of parachute. Including this last one, It gave me great joy. I was at the stocks, when all of a sudden a group came by (as I was talking with another group) stopped at the stocks, and had this huge photo frame that they put around the stocks. Well I was right next to the stocks with the chains in my hand and I said “How about holding these” – to which they said yes.

Then after it was all finished I was able to talk with the person who got in the stocks. I said “these chains they put on their hands and feet for days at a time” Then she was surprised and said “I could not hold these for a minute”

I hope you have had an enjoyable experience of parachute by hearing the stories that I have shared with you. All the best from Nathan