Beautiful you are

I just composed a song which was on my heart as I met with God's mercy afresh today - that's awesome God!

Beautiful you are

I've been going through the book of Romans this year with Bible study fellowship. If you want to find out about the organisation follow this link to the global site - I really recommend at least going through a book of the bible together. This organisation have very good studies which take a year to go through. Ours started in february and have been plodding through Romans. I would recommend reading this book if you have a few holes in your understanding about the gospel. This is where I was at the beginning of the study. I actually read through Romans by myself as part of a study bible called the New Inductive Study Bible however even though reading through it I didn't grasp some of the more important things (I did this rather rushed, like in a week, which explains why I did not take the time to learn it) but still realised how crucial this book is. I remember feeling that this would massively mature my understanding about how secure I am - it is by grace through faith, and that I get my identity from God - instead of what my feelings tell me. So I cautiously approached getting others involved so that we could go through this together. This was when I heard about bsf running Romans. I'm glad I did.

All that to introduce the post. I should have left a disclaimer about advertising hah.

This morning I woke up to the anxiety of thinking about a question, the question was "is there anything that you have done in the past that you still feel guilty about?" and the follow up to that, "what guilt do you have over things that you have not done?"

The question was part of my study in Romans - chapter 4, highlighting Faith, apart from works, apart from blessing, and apart from what you see.

So it encouraged me through the life of David, what can you learn from His life to atone for your guilt, of what you've done wrong.

I was struggling with some terrible decisions that I made in the past, which at the time alienated me from people, and guilt that I did not really have an answer for. I just felt incredibly torn, and unable to come to terms with my own fault, or where the fault was. I had given myself license to get angry at people because I was defending my own right to look after myself. But also didn't know whether I was chiefly responsibly for it, or was it compounded by others. In other words, the "guilt" i was experiencing was over what I should or shouldn't be doing in regard to these relationships. I honestly had no answer for what I was going through. But... and this is the hope that I've received from meeting with God this morning. He has provided righteousness for me so that I can be forgiven, and walk free of my guilt, and genuinely seek the well being of those that I've injured.

So what did I learn?

The lesson is that when I've been angry, frustrated, hypocritical to my own standards, it's actually been with God. Healing balm of Gilead. I'm miserable over the division that I've caused by needing to be right. Then the floodworks came. God loves me anyway. God chooses me again. He walks over to me again. He provides mercy again. He listens to my complaint again. He reassures me again. He gives freedom again. He puts his heart on the line for me again. He as much as I woke up with a heavy heart over sin because I woke up with a heavy heart over my sin. That I wanted to make it right, yeah I don't deny. But i was lost and broken. And i thought it was all my fault. And I went from bad to worse trying to make things right (read: approaching people that had just been furious with me and trying to reconcile within a day. Even though them and I were both disgusted at each other, terrified of what people will think and acting as the proverbial "casting pearls before swine")

The beautiful melody of heaven rings in my ears

"I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene
I wonder at how he could love me
A sinner condemned unclean"

Oh man the sobbing began.

This is majesty. A just and righteous God kneeling down to make me clean. A kiss from heaven as I depart from my own ungodliness and am brought into the freedom of the sons of God. Yes this is the moment that Jesus was all his life waiting for. He does this, because, unlike our religious mindset, he is the one waking the dawn with mercy. He is the one stepping down from his high place to sit with the needy. He's the one weeping over the destruction that sin has caused. He's the one furious in love that will not be challenged by idols.

Oh the mercies of God are new every morning!