Considering the past year: A look into biblical hope

Introduction 

You'll be pleased to know, that I'm doing well and that this post is in response to God's work in my life in this season. I've been making good progress in my studies, but have been struggling with pressure and indeed with the future. It occured to me today (as I write this intro) that indeed I have no regrets about the future, for I seem to have been led along very peaceably into things that I've always said I was going to be about. I can't express in words just how much tenderness is at work in me to be able to say that, nor indeed, of the thankfulness that rises from my heart, which I hope to be unbidden, and that he does these things because of His leadership over my life. That is the lesson I learned from Davids life. Truly, I would give all to Him right now.

Where I am right now, I feel a bit beside myself. I have come unstuck a little bit. That's the honest truth. I don't know why, but I'm absolutely frozen at things that are supposed to be easy to get. Sharing with others, loving my neighbour, being a productive part of society, warring against sin, and the importance of prayer, fasting and giving. They all seem to be somewhat hard and to be honest, make me feel jaded. That's what happens when things come unstuck. I remember my history, and about how I did many things for God, and that what I'm looking at now seems pale in comparison. I once meditated on the prospect that after a missions trip, people would come unstuck. Am I having an extended debrief withdrawal? am I experiencing culture shock? all the jitters and signs that I should be getting help, and ironically i'm the one giving help.

I don't want to paint a wrong picture. I'm absolutely committed to being a part of my church, endeavouring to share my faith with others, to make God known, to embrace my future and be invested in. All these are good, the hard reality is that I feel like a war is going on inside of me and if I talk to people about it that they won't understand. They don't realise a battle is raging for their souls. They don't have an inkling to describe what it's like to redefine your life, or concern themselves with what others think. Am I just over-analyzing this, or am I likely the only one that is going through this?

I was in the same place last year. Somehow, God was on the case, today He reminded me of a time last year where I was absolutely challenged by financial pressures. I found that I was not relating to it in the way that I thought. I was going over it like I went through sleep while in hospital. Being encouraged that everything was alright, but should I be doing something? What I mean is, people can appear well enough saying things that sound good, but it's not good advice. None of it. In fact, it was summarised in a few words. I need help, I need people to care, and to know what is going on. It's true that in my community, that there are people that care deeply for me. It is true that in the instance that I am in, that I am searching for recognition, accountability, someone to foot the bill, and act as if the things that I'm going through are important. God has dealt with all of them in his kindness and grace. There are people now who deeply care for me. There are those that I had not considered to be friends (you know who you are) that are now a part of my life. Indeed, I've learnt that I am to desire God. And that my delight, as a product of His delight is the reason why He likes me.

These are, in God's way, deeply troubling issues. the pressures that I am facing are unbearable. I feel like my whole life is going to give way, since I'm making bold moves to change who I am. What do you say when it is you on the chopping block, when its your life on the altar? when its you offering the sacrifice, and you are the one that are characterized by worship (a complete giving of yourself to God)? If i left it there, I would be doing a poor job. Lets look at the things that He's done.

He provided enough for me to get through the last few weeks of the year so that I could receive some support over the holiday period.

He re-energized my heart to find a flat where I could be with God.

He put delight in my heart, as in the revelation that I have many good friends, and I myself make friends easily. That is still bearing fruit and growing.

He has surrounded me with friends that care for me. Who pray for me. Who are there for me. Whose designs are from God.

He also gave me new dna. He reminded, and instructed me, in what really matters.

I learnt something profoundly impacting while I was going through transition this season. Lessons I want to share with you, in the hopes that you can also go through the pressure with dignity and value, even if it means suffering and dying for Jesus. God knows that I'm that committed to Him.

He taught me to confess the things that I am in Him, and what He sees in me. In fact it's bigger than that. Truly, all that I know of God is bound up in what He says of me. Truly, to look at life with dignity and value is to be stuck on God. That means that confessing what He says about you is also confessing who He is. It is saying back to Him what He knows of Himself. I will add to that, singing.

You see, the face is the reflection of His own beauty. Our hearts unashamed and radiant (Psalm 34:5) are the expressions of blessedness come from Him. This is why the godliness that God chooses for us, because of our heart before Him, enables us to hope. The reciting of things that he has spoken for us, and in which we find our greatest joy and inheritance (crown) are those that produce so much change in our being, that it would result in us owing to the blessedness of His crown and blessing of all of His works. I want to stand before Him one day confessing and proclaiming, delighting in and satisfied, before the one that has always been. In that I am not alone, and I owe my goodness in life to the one that chose and love me, seeing me in my pity and coming to my rescue. He will at the end give me the desire of my heart, since it rises unbidden from the place that accords me to utmost glory and grace.

If that paragraph was like, "huh?" then proceed further and see what it is that has taken place in my heart to produce such a change in me, a change, though storms should come and waves be tossed, should not cause me to tremble, but the anchor is steadfast and firm, and will in all respects, save, deliver and lead to utmost triumph.  That is the reason that I give all for this man, and why I have continued to sing Him while everything should be failing.

Bible Study 

Lets look at a verse that has given me such consolation that He knows and feels good things about me.

"My heart is overflowing with a good theme;
I recite my composition concerning the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.

² You are fairer than the sons of men;
Grace is poured upon Your lips;
Therefore God has blessed You forever." (Psalm 45:1-2)

I will give a line by line commentary on these verses.

The psalmist is expressing what is in His heart, and writing it concerning the one whom He calls King. He is penning a letter concerning Him.

(1a) What things make your heart overflow?

and indeed, what things are good that make your heart overflow.

When I started to meditate and confess these verses, I was struck by the fact that this is one who writes what is on His heart, and that the first thing that describes the instance of his love, is that the theme he writes, is both causing his heart to overflow and that it's good.

I have to confess that also, my heart when reading these verses was in a bad place, and I did not say this as my experience but wanted it to be true. I wanted so badly to be stuck on God. Consider that there are many things that you do with your time, when is the time that you can be alone, and allow yourself to pour out before God? indeed, when is it true that is the case for you? when you are entirely pouring out and in that, I find the notion of self to be unable to contain what is here described. "I love me, I delight in me, I have good thoughts about me, I am the greatest, I am truly wonderful, and I love what I can do, and make everything that I do about me" What is so profoundly conceited about that is not that we should not think of ourselves, but that if we allow ourself to be defined by that, as innocent as we claim it to be, we are indeed shutting the door on the joy of knowing true delight. 

What is stark about God is that here is one that pours out himself before Him, and enjoys it. to overflow is not the product of conceitedness, as I have already described, but rather, that such a one could be utterly pre-occupied on the thought of God. I have to confess that as I was meditating on these things I came unstuck. Shortly after having such a delightful visitation, in which my heart in all respects found freedom, and knowing what I had to do, my own desire became pre-occupied with other things. In other words, it is a continual washing, that is itself only capable of being expressed in the bounds of relationship with God. As much as I tried to deny it, my desire to express joy in Him was met by ugly habits that I thought had been removed. 

(All I can imagine, is that God is not displeased with me, and that looking back on what I said, and the things that I wrote, what could motivate Him but love?) But I found that it was given. Therefore I must choose it. My belovedness in His sight is a reflection of the choice that I made. He gave His life and what exists now is the freedom of that exchange.  not only did nothing of your belovedness in His sight come from your own effort, it is equally true that nothing can keep you from the joy of which He is the sum and substance of all your hopes. 

(1b) Here in we have the desire of him expressed who is peering into the heart of one, the King. Not only is it for Him, the subject is of Him. the one to whom this belongs is only here described, and the contents of it, ratified by the oracle given. It is noted for us, since the veil has been removed, and we have gazed on the face of the one to whom He sings. 

The point is here, that this is one that does not know Him. (do you think He writes such a beautiful psalm about David? do you think it's referring to any earthly King?) The more I found about this individual, the more I realise just how much "my heart overflows at the good theme of Him" it is equally given, that "The Spirit and the Bride say 'come' and He comes" (Rev 22:17-21) to deny this common theme is to doubt the very character of the one that we have believed in. Is it enough for Him that we should turn away on this most needed aspect of His return, and act as if we are beggars before Him? the point made is that such a reflection, coming from the heart of God to us, and ratified in scripture, is that His heart is the bleeding heart, not ours. Any reflection of that which is limited is on our part and not on His. The display of His glory and goodness is that He cares deeply, and that which is enjoyed by His people is the work of His glory. In two words "He receives" 

Not only that, but Christ showed Himself King by dying on a cross and being raised to life. Not that He then took a literal, geographic Kingdom at His ascension, but that it was promised to Him by God on account of His being worthy (Rev 5:2) 

This makes the pertinance of this psalm to be less than trivial in understanding the end of the Age. If we cannot tolerate a bleeding Messiah, then we will not tolerate a dictatorial King. To place yourself in one over the other is to put yourself in the firing line. 

Also, as far as scripture is concerned, it says of Him "You are a Priest forever, in the Order of Melchizedek" Who was a King. He was King of Salem (meaning King of Peace) and His name means King of Righteousness. If we are to forget the most important aspect of His reign, then we will spit in His face before His day. This was the great hinderance of Judas. He knew that Jesus was the Messiah. He knew that the leadership were against Him. He knew that He would likely not see the day that He hoped for, where in Jesus would reign and all the Apostles be as Judges of His Kingdom. This was the despair of His heart, being rooted only in sentimentality and conceitedness. If Peter thought too little of himself, Judas thought too much. It was because He considered His own life to be ended at the betrayal that He could not see through to the end of the day. he would die and leave nothing to His ancestors. 

Like Peter, we are in a day when deception and accusation clouds our witness. We are in the throws of death, just as Peter and Judas. We are convinced that we will betray Him, and that is everything. We are likely to give an account to Him at the end, and this motivates us to think wisely of our time here on earth. To imitate Him in this day is to have hope regardless of our circumstance. It is rightly to consider the work of His cross, the depth of His love, and His succour of reward at His coming. It is to not be ashamed of Him. 

Notice the two conflicting reports of Judas and Peter 

"Why this waste, for this fragrant oil might have been sold for much and given to the poor"

and 

"Why not now, I would lay my life down for your sake"

Judas flat out denied the legitimacy of anointing Him for burial, where as Peter grappled with the concept that suffering and dying for Him, out of love, could have merit to it. Judas flat out denied Jesus by saying that He would not be accountable to Him on judgment day. Whereas Judas and Peter are two disciples, one has a completely different world view. this world view was inescapably connected with Satan. It may as well have been Judas who had rebuked Jesus, for it was just the same thought that motivated him.

(1c) Now we start getting into the theme of the letter. It is a love song to a King that is not known. it is a homage to beautiful adoration that is worthy of the affections that he has. It is in anticipation of better things, more sure things, that have found their way into the entrance of Heaven, and into its Courts. The theme and subtleties of it are such that it could be written by a group of like-minded, aspiring theologians that are grappling with God's existance. It is the worthy addition of song that makes them tune their hearts to sing to His grace (the word grace is used in the next verse)

Such is their preoccupation that they sing to Him. such is their reminder of their blessedness a virtue that could not be escaped in this entire psalm. it is rightly considered to be an anthem, that Has at it's inception the thought of God's manifold dealings with Humanity. it is an ode to the glories of Heaven and to the one who sits there. The point of it is that it is received, but ever more, that it takes reception in them. Very well could they be tuning themselves to incline to graces (Song 1:2) or to the name of Him. In fact, any great pursuit of God is met by His loveliness and beauty. It also refers to the instruction that Has been placed before Him. He is ready, He will write, and He will record what is given to him. 

Rather than trying to apply this to some situation, or indeed, of the reasonableness of it, I will just instruct you to go away and to find out something of God for yourself. More often than not, these pauses are instructive, and it is not to be taken only as a glib statement, and with no more audience involvement or appreciation. the reason that He writes and sings is because His heart has experienced and known the one that He is writing for, and by, and whom. 

I will say this much, that nothing like it is found in all of scripture. I believe I can be right in saying that. it's true that Moses asked for God's glory, that David was enraptured by God's mercy, that a generation sung the praises of God who is good, that Jesus declared the name of the Father to us, that we are the children of the ones that have inherited the promises of God, that we stand as the blessed of the earth and that by legal right we have been grafted into the family of God. This demands careful attention and we need to know these things, if we are to apprehend God. But whereas they are dealing with things that we can discuss, these are things of the heart. Without so much as a desire for Him, we will go on the same and all our years of pursuing various things will come unstuck. The tragedy is that there are people that don't know any better. There are ones that don't know that life could be so much better. And equally, that some have given up and quitted. These ought not to be so, since God wrestles with our heart every day. Somedays we come unstuck. it is those days when we find that our life is vanity, and that nothing matters. that is actually God's grace (Psalm 90) a precursor for what is to come, when we desperately search for meaning and do not find it. 

God give me more understanding.

But he doesn't leave us there! Just like the tomb empty on the Lords day, just like the reasonableness with which David defends himself before God, we don't have to despair that nothing is coming our way. The point is, that God sets himself who is godly apart for Him. (Psalm 4:3) This godliness is  our own standing in God. Whereas we despair because our heart lacks the freedom and clarity that come from God, In God there is no such a thing. He purifies us by our commitment to Him. I'm not saying that He is dependent on us to make that commitment, but rather, that just as David recalls God's choosing of Him, that is in itself the godliness, the holiness, that God imparts to us. Holiness of God is enjoyment of Him, and the defence that we long for in God is found deep inside, so that we should be unconcerned with what comes our way, but trusting fully in Him.

Instead of doing a line by line from now on, I will simply try to explain the second verse in its entirety

The first verse (for that is what the preceeding verse introduces) is referring to His impeccable beauty and the words that come from His mouth. In other words, "favor". Note that the therefore in this verse is not to be taken as a greek mindset. We would say "this does not apply to me, since who can say they are blessed forever" or indeed, that eternity is going to remember Him. the word for blessing here is the traditional Hebrew word for blessed, which finds its first mention in Genesis 1, where the creation is "blessed" and God rested on the seventh day. this denotes that every other instance of the word (whether it be for the conditional obedience of the Law, or indeed, of God's manifold blessing, the blessing of a Father) falls under the right and true method of blessing with which we find all the fullness of God evident in our good. 

This verse falls under the correct and right appreciation of blessing as instituted by God (it was God who blessed) 

I do not feel I am capable to fully articulate what is here described, other than what it says is true. the one to whom He calls King, is also the one that is unrivaled in all His capacities unto the appraisal that indeed, because of His goodness and moral accountability He will steward the blessing of God forever. This is a human trait would you believe it! It was given to us to have dominion. The word for dominion is "stewarding" this is what He did when He named the beasts. This is what He is continuing to do, in promoting God, and making intercession for us. This is what He will continue to do both now and forever as He is invigorated by the Father, and dispensing His power and heart over all of those who call on Him. 

To be "blessed forever" is indeed in God's counsel, and we would be right to be terrified, if indeed we have the same kind of spirit as He. For we can ask for dominion, and we can implore His counsel, and we can know His heart and His ways, and endeavour to obey Him in all of our deeds, and consider that God indeed will enable us to live righteous (moral accountable) lives that are reflected in our words. The word grace is here used because all the words of His mouth are pure. In this respect, He commands blessing and authority and power in all things.

It should not escape us either, that the one to whom God appoints authority and sovereignty, is also the one that obeyed God perfectly, and that here in is a description of His ascension and His perfect life being manifested in and through us who are overflowing with His goodness.

This means all that it proclaims to be, that indeed God is stewarding Him with the task of our enjoyment and the certainty that we will reign (have dominion) We gave it up when we sinned and left the garden, and in God's foresight He gave it to one man, to rule from shore to shore.

Conclusion 

Does not God know His own word? I have to admit that my own capacity is lacking. I am trying to articulate what I know to be true, because I have the Holy Spirit. I don't necessarily need to know it to understand it, but rather, going off my own experience, I know it to be true. This is the only way to approach the Father and have intimacy with Jesus. Without our heart, we will continue to just be used by Him, but have no understanding of the mysteries of Him. to understand and steward His mysteries is to be judgmental about all things, and you let God be God. This is somehow lacking from our western mindset. This is what I meant when I said "don't adopt greek thinking" 

My hope, is that indeed, you might discover the hope that there is in Christ, and that being filled with Him, you could endeavour to suffer and die for Him. I don't say this as a matter of fact, or indeed, as being unrelated, but as I started, so shall I end, that dignity and value are found here. to be who you are created to be is no short fall, but is the entire pursuit of God in You. Only God knows who you are, and it is true that you have unique and testing experiences. To suffer and die then is not the betrayal that Judas felt, but it is rather the hope that Peter had in that He loved Him. 

Don't be hard or cold hearted, Don't be like Judas, don't betray Him for bread. Don't even consider that you are like that, or that your insincerity is somehow tragic and betrayal the fruit of your own considerations. Atheism and suicide are at the heart of the devil in this generation. To be at this place in God is not the leap you thought it to be, but only the reasonable response to the way He feels about you. And to endeavour to change and become like Him is not the good works trail that you believe it to be, but rather, the aspiration of a heart that grows in intimacy and love with Him. Who would not like to be like the one you love? it would be cherished in you forever, so that you could mark with dignity and value what God has done in you, which is worth the wait, and much more blessed. 

There's themes that I have only touched on here. And there is likely many things that could be said that I have not. I just trust that I have written what was supposed to be said. Be stuck on God. 
I've touched a little on the promoting of God. We look at a sunrise and wonder, we gaze on the mountains and are in awe, we feel the breeze in the wind, and we are thankful for all these things. But when we think of God, who all those things are true of, the idea to praise Him and be filled with wonder is reserved only for those that are in the office or station that requires them to. The sun rises and sets, and we have waxed and waned. All things are not new under the sun, but when we know God, and have appreciation for Him, we're content to leave it to others. Not only do the heaven's declare the glory of God, and all through history we have found people astounded by God's works, the same can be true of those who have seen the glory of God and told of it. They were and are still in the earth today, yet our attempt at making God's name great has only made us bitter and twisted.

Nothing ever happened by self-reliance. You didn't get born self-reliant. You didn't go through trauma self-reliant. You didn't get to where you are today by being self-reliant. No, the reason that I put such confidence in others, and place my hope in them, and love them, is because I need to love again, it won't do to isolate myself. I need to feel again, though I should be jaded. I need to have dignity and value again, and not put myself in a box that I'm afraid it could happen again. What has taken place has taken place in my heart, and that's why I am where I am today, because such a one made the move to love me, and such a one believes and hopes in me, so that I should learn to love Him, and delight because I feel the companionship that He gives to me. That is the reason I can't look back, is not because I became self-reliant, but because I have a voice that I listen to that tells me who I am.