YWAM Update: Do you Believe in Miracles?

Hello everyone,

This comes to you from Christchurch, while I am visiting my parents house. I rather like that term, because the idea of visiting means it is not my permanent residence, but that is a kind of a paradox, I will tell you what I mean.

I had a strong feeling that I was supposed to be in Oxford for the week, I remember being sick in my stomach while getting prepared to go back to Oxford on the 6th of May, but it wasn't dissuading me from fetching a ride with Deb out to Oxford (she had been in Christchurch visiting family - so fetching a ride with her was easy enough) But I had looked in my bank account and found no money there, but I knew I was supposed to be there. While sitting down at the morning tea table with Elmer we had a conversation in which God had meant for it to happen because not having any money to my name I was able to encourage Elmer to be here - because I knew I was also supposed to be here.
Actually by that time I still had a sick stomach, and thought to myself, "How can I be here for working? when I am unable to even sit down without feeling sick" However I was made well to work, but also to attend the lectures, which had been on my heart to do.

Later the week the opportunity came up to really share what was on my heart, that my identity does not come from what i do. NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER! Isn't that the heart beat of Sons? In fact, though I did not know Elmer very well, I was really able to converse with Him, and find out a bit about him. This had been my prayer to God earlier in the week - In fact, every day God was making my contemplation bear fruit. So it would seem, that God had something in store for me, being at Oxford related to the teaching I was listening to. It was pertinant to what I was going through.
This should be enough to convince any sceptic of what God has in fact been doing, but I have not even begun yet!

I ought to say, this is the heart beat of a little child. because God has said it before, that the thing that He values in me is being a little child. I need to hear it from God first, then when people testify about it to me, the feelings rush right in.

I guess this makes me have to declare a few things

1. I do not have any money, this is one of the blessings of being God's child (which I am one)
2. I do not know where I am going, I came to Christchurch only because I had to move out.
3. I want to be connected with God's heart, this is more important to me than my fragile circumstances
4. I will flourish in this place, because God makes me to flourish

I want to clarify the first and second points. I mean, that I am in the place that God has for me, regardless of any plans to be contrary to that. I know that He wants me to be there. This is the only reason that I am here - because what matters most is that I am most about what God has for me. What i mean is, Do not forbid me of my boast!

God has not stopped with me because I have turned my back on Him, or even forgotten what He had promised to me, before I left Oxford, which is that I am going back to Christchurch because I am His bride. He is committed to doing me good, even when I am not. That has to be the best news ever!
I'm a little child, I cannot be thinking about plans and decisions and anything like that!

After I left Oxford, God has been bringing things into clarity, namely what is on my heart for victory and faithfulness and trials. I had to go through a trial not having answers for "where am I going?" and "what work are you looking for?"

That is why I say, being at my parents house is a paradox, because the truth is, I will flourish wherever I am. I need to say, that I still intend to go on a journey with Steve, because God has said it.
Don't you see the miracle God has done? That he has called the things that are not, as though they were. He told me the very thing that tonight I would have an ah ha moment on, that I am His Bride whom He loves. This has only matured my love for Him and convinced me that what He has for me is good (which I know to be true!) And it's assured me of His promise that I will be going with Steve on a journey. Be a part of this adventure with me!

Where Am I Going?

Who says that I do not know where I am going? Who governs my every move? my every decision? my every thought? My identity comes from being a little child. Where I am going, is because I want to be totally abandoned to Him. Where does this come from? You have heard the phrase "I want you, more than life" I've learnt that God's being totally loving of me, produces in me the same desire, to be totally devoted to Him. This has in it a resolve or a commitment. To be honest, I am not so convinced I do know where I am going. So when I asked my friend Steve about it,  I decided from some advice given to me, that God maybe wanting me to submit to being at my parents house, while I do not have a clear direction about where I am going. Even speaking about it makes it easier to process through it. But the truth is, I am still struggling with this question, "Do I know where I am going?" because it's not like I am lacking direction, though the questions that people ask seem to go unanswered, I have never been more full of purpose. You see, the questions people ask are, "How is the plan for journeying with Steve going?" or "Would you consider finding work?" or such questions like that. But it does nothing to answer any important questions. I am in the same position as many others, not because we do not know where we are going, but because we do, and we want to give everything to Him. Does this not make the trials easier? Do I not remember that living hope that I have been born again into? I think the phrase in Psalm 45:1 one to really hold onto. "My heart is overflowing with a good theme, I recite my composition to the King" You will never be closer to fulfilling your purpose in life than gazing on the slain body of the Christ, the Son of God.

Sex and drugs

I am habitually addicted. The feeling is like sex. Illicit and dark - the pleasure is in knowing that no one sees what I'm doing. And can I get away from it? it's a surprise that I don't do it all the time everywhere. Now would you like to know what I'm referring to? I am addicted to video games. Does that surprise you? Should I be afraid? I choose to think I'm not sharing anything more than would be advised. I'm not apologizing for my behavior. In fact i'm disgusted by my behavior. Does that surprise you? It's like the thing that I enjoyed doing is becoming a callous on my heart. How can I bear with it? would i dare go back and say "Nothing's changed"? It is a strange thing, but God knows me perfectly, and even now, it's to your benefit and to my benefit to speak about this. Does it matter that God wanted me to share this in Church today and I didn't? He gives me the choice. Does He know me that well? Does He ordain things to happen, and people to meet, Because He loves me and because He wants to? Is that true?

Pleasure and the Pursuit of

I was going to call it God's Passion for His Glory - after the John Piper book of the same name. Let me recommend it to you. It will blow your mind (Hopefully more than that-) take you deeper in the Lord Jesus. Here is a humble teaching on Philippians 2 which I would like to offer up so that your hearts are rewarded with true riches. Lets start...

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Living to the Glory of God

I know that i need stimulus. every second, every minute, every hour, every day, ever week, every month, every year. If i do not receive any i am going to explode. God knows this. So i'm going to go after everything that i want! at every possible moment i'm going to be looking for the highest joy. We were born adrenaline junkies. the moment you breath your first, the moment you are fed your first, the moment you stretched yourself to the limit and then release came.