Sex and drugs

I am habitually addicted. The feeling is like sex. Illicit and dark - the pleasure is in knowing that no one sees what I'm doing. And can I get away from it? it's a surprise that I don't do it all the time everywhere. Now would you like to know what I'm referring to? I am addicted to video games. Does that surprise you? Should I be afraid? I choose to think I'm not sharing anything more than would be advised. I'm not apologizing for my behavior. In fact i'm disgusted by my behavior. Does that surprise you? It's like the thing that I enjoyed doing is becoming a callous on my heart. How can I bear with it? would i dare go back and say "Nothing's changed"? It is a strange thing, but God knows me perfectly, and even now, it's to your benefit and to my benefit to speak about this. Does it matter that God wanted me to share this in Church today and I didn't? He gives me the choice. Does He know me that well? Does He ordain things to happen, and people to meet, Because He loves me and because He wants to? Is that true?

Now for something that may not seem to have any connection to what followed. I was talking with this person (nameless) before hand I had prepared what I would say to them and let them know why I want to goto Israel. That's right! exciting news! I'm going to Israel! That's the Lord's call! But when I started talking I said "This is really on my heart" and I felt the Lords impression saying "You've done all that I want of you" So for the rest of the conversation I asked questions, gave some basic answers and was relieved I had done all that He wants of me. I thought "now that couldn't be God! Why would He say 'don't do any more'" In fact the next thing I did was go upto the Prayer room. And when I entered I felt I should start playing the guitar.

I can feel your questions arising at this point. I will try and fill in the blanks. God could very well say "rubber ducklings are going to fall from the sky" and it would happen. Surely it would be the same for those who know Him. Isn't that why it says "He works out all things for good to those who love Him?" Is it really just to give us comfort during trials? is that really all it's talking about? What if we fail in the trial? What if we stuff up and miss the mark? Does that leave us out of our election of grace? Does he punish us because of our behavior? I'm His child! If He had a mind that changed all the time how could I trust Him? Surely He is a good Father who loves me and also does not withhold his gifts from me because of my failings? What does the experience of salvation teach about this? He saved us during the time we were enemies of him and aliens to the commonwealth, and without hope. He interposed His precious blood for us sinners when we didn't deserve it.

So, I sat down and played, and then I heard straight from the Father him saying "You heard rightly, I want you to go to Israel" (meaning, someone who has vested interest in the plan - He will do His part to see it fulfilled) He actually said "I'm going to get you to Israel" and gave me some advice. "Love me" In the previous verse it says "for those who love Him" - he's really just saying "Hey, in light of what I've done for you, will you receive my love?"

God is doing this to prove to everyone out there this testimony: "God will do everything, because He wants to" For His glory. I'm not able to gauge the depths of this statement. My only response can be "I obeyed Him and He is Righteous (always true to Himself) and His glory (His worth, value) is multiplied" I want to obey! I want to obey! I want to obey!

Did you know that He will do this for you? But you need to know my testimony. I have given up everything, and He wants everything of me, I am in a lifestyle of continual sacrifice, I am going to Israel, because God wants all of me. Anyone who wants to come will follow in the same footsteps. It says this in the Gospel of Luke. "Unless a disciple gives up everything to follow me, He cannot be my disciple" - but the reason is "that you may gain life"

It has to be that this feeling is better than sex, and far more addicting. That is the only way that I will be set free of the addiction to video games. What a vision! to go after pleasures of God any time, anywhere! Now I know the paths of life when I am living like this. This freedom can't be taken away from me.