Identity in God is expressed in loving our brothers and sisters

God my Father reminded me this morning of how my identity in Him is expressed in my loving my brothers and sisters in Christ. This was something we learned at Equip in January, but to be honest, have not looked at the passage since. It's from 1 John 3:11-24.

I’m reading from the New King James Version:

[1Jo 3:11-24 NKJV] 11 For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another, 12 not as Cain [who] was of the wicked one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brother's righteous. 13 Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love [his] brother abides in death. 15 Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. 16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down [our] lives for the brethren. 17 But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? 18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. 19 And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. 20 For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. 21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. 22 And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. 23 And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment. 24 Now he who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him. And by this we know that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.

When I was younger, I was bullied my my peers, and I kept on telling myself I needed to do something about it. It left me quite fragile, having wanted to make friends at school. At the time I didn’t think anything of it, but it intimated to me what I would later recall that I needed to make friends, and they needed to accept me. I have aspergers syndrome, the very reason I struggled with it is because inside I was very uncomfortable in who I am. Even remembering my friendships at school, they were marked by me wanting to do things with people. At the end of high school, I made some friends, and decided it was more important than my studies.

What lies have I believed since then, about my character, my personality, my confidence, and who people have said I am? What has kept me back from being the person God has called me to be? Well I realised in January that it was because I didn’t really root myself in my identity as a child, a son or daughter of God. Don’t get me wrong, I have had wonderful experiences where Abba has marked me, chosen me, and also saved me from my fears.

I wouldn’t be the person I am today without these treasures from Heaven.

This is what John is writing towards the people that He loves. He is instructing them on how to love each other. He begins by saying:

[1Jo 3:11-15 NKJV] 11 For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another, 12 not as Cain [who] was of the wicked one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brother's righteous. 13 Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love [his] brother abides in death. 15 Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

The previous section ends with the words:

[1Jo 3:10 NKJV] 10 In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor [is] he who does not love his brother.

He’s declaring the truth about who they are. They are children of God because they practice righteousness, and also, that they love their brother. The reason that He says this is clear in the verses following. He states the truth (he did previously)

That if you do not practice righteousness you are not of God If you do not love your brother you are not of God If you murder you are of the wicked one (and we know that anyone that is angry with His brother is also a murderer) The reason that he murdered Him is because He did evil works (unaccepted by God) and the world is in hatred towards you because you have passed from death to life. It ends with these sobering words: “He who does not love His brother, abides in death” Because anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and a murderer cannot have eternal life abiding in him.

These are all directed towards the child of God.

When have you decided to reject the sayings of God on account of loving each other and practicing what is righteous? I will put it another way, What do you do when you fail at God’s commands? what is it that strengthens you when you fail to hit the mark?

Fear is what disables us in the face of love. But we know perfect love drives out fear. You cannot be complete in love when you fear.

Beloved, this is good news, whatever situation you are in, the truth is, you are marked by God. you are chosen, you are delighted in, you are bought with a price, and God laid down his life for you to demonstrate His love.

And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.

He then gives us remarks about how we practice love. It’s really important.

[1Jo 3:16-18 NKJV] 16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down [our] lives for the brethren. 17 But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? 18 My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.

The first is a call to rest. “By this we know love “(how to act with love) “that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren”

I was having trouble understanding this verse until I saw the picture. The picture is we are children of God, and our identity in God is expressed in loving one another. The trial that comes is, are we afraid of His command, so that we should save ourselves, rather than laying down our lives for our brothers? the resemblance to Jesus, nay, to Cain and Abel is astounding. Cain was Abel’s brother! and yet what was his response? to murder and kill because His brothers deeds were righteous. Abel did the right thing, and Cain was furious at Him, for having not been accounted right before God. I hope you realise the ramifications of this.

When did it enter into peoples hearts to murder the people that are doing right? the ones that are standing for truth, that are loving each other, and known and identify with the truth? Cain was beyond redemption of human hands. His heart had been tainted the moment that He cherished lawlessness in His heart, sin crouched at his door, and He was mastered by it. This is why we cannot think lowly of sin, nor indeed of the effects of it towards our brothers and sisters. Sin was the reason that Cain slew able and walked lawless, insubordinate, and most lamentably, alone. God’s judgment on Cain was only because Cain did it. His idle heart looked to find recompense where none could be given. His heart slew His brother only, basically, for a piece of bread. What bread was He eating? it was the one that said “I will have justice on my adversary” even though His justice was blinded by His own greed and contemptible sense of right and wrong. and His adversary, no He did not see His accuser, He merely listened to the taunts of it each day and could not master it. God’s word to Cain was “ sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”

God was extending redemption to Cain that could not be bought. He explains it as “to rule over” which means to subdue it because you are the master, you are the one in control.

Remember Jesus, what Jesus was able to accomplish, not because He looked to recompense, but because His heart is forever connected with the forever. He has tasted death for all, that all should have life through Him. Abel died, yet Jesus, he lives. If we put our confidence in Jesus, the man God, perfect in all of His ways, then we find such sweet rest and redemption from Him that cannot be spoiled by our works. God is eternally youthful in his dealings with us, unchangeable, because just like Jesus, the Father also is wanting a family, to have sons and daughters that are connected with Him, abiding in Him, and waiting for Him, cherishing intimacy as the children of God, and that know their God. that know Him and are confident, even when lies and accusation come their way. This courage cannot be birthed by great works, this confidence cannot come from living for the reward. Don’t get me wrong - Abel and Jesus all looked to the reward. But what sustained Jesus (let us just focus on Him) is his connection to the forever. the Father, the alpha and omega. That He lived out this passage. He lived out what it looked like to have identity in God and expressed in loving His brothers and sisters. the ones that Are so precious to Him, because He looks at us with the same eyes as the Father does. Resting in the Fathers love. Not being intimidated by anger and lust, and lies.

This is why we should lay down our lives for the brethren in giving materially for their needs. I want to say so much more about this.

The reason that He says this is because we have such small love for our brothers, that we wont even take care of their material needs. How can we clothe them in eternal splendour if the most ready and practical expression of loving each other we don't even consider.

Yes, it is saying practical outworking of love is found in giving to the needy, the ones that have financial stress, the ones that are under obligation from creditors, that are bound by their own choices and needing rescue. Again, the reason that the Israelites gave to the needy, was because it was prescribed in the law. They gave because it was an obligation, a command to. Their financial stability relied upon their tithe. If they didn't offer to those that had need, their whole way of life would stumble. It was the levites that experienced this blessing. They looked to the sacrifices that were offered as their daily bread. They ministered to God out of the offering that they received, which they gave back to God, and who were also responsible for teaching the population the ways of God. If we stop doing this, we forfeit that love that God has expressed towards us, because we do not consider the purpose of the giving.

What are some other practical outworkings of love that you can think, that you have not been doing, but He's putting on your heart now? What are the motivations of those practical outworkings? is it because you want to know God?

And so we get to the last section:

[1Jo 3:19-24 NKJV] 19 And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. 20 For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. 21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. 22 And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. 23 And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment. 24 Now he who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him. And by this we know that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.

the word "And" means that it links itself to the previous comment. Because you have done these things, because you are living in love, because you know Him, by this we know that we are of the truth.

The reason is because he's getting to the best part. the part that you can heave a sigh of relief, and come back to what really matters. "And" meaning practical outworking of love, that we should assure our hearts before Him - that phrase "before Him" means "see His face"

the word "For" means because. meaning, if you apply this, and your heart condemn you, listen to the truth. "God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved if your heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God"

The confidence we express toward God, or in God, is linked to the asking of prayers. We ask not, because we do not think we have a need (James 4:2) Such things arise from our hearts related to not asking, our greed, our murder, our idolatry. all things that have fallen away when we came to Christ. That confidence is in the asking, as Children we ask. That confidence is also an expression of our identity in Him, we fail not because we have confidence in God.

It's easy to get ahead of yourself when thinking this way. I mean if we are that invincible, that our old nature is taken away like the wind, Jesus, help me in my fear and unbelief!

verse 22 is a reminder of the rest of the section. if we keep his commands and do what is right in his sight, then we ask and receive.

It ends with what we believe. We believe that Jesus Christ is His Son, in his name we have life, and he gave us this commandment. It is not our own, but another that has said it for us. And if we keep His commands, chiefly to love one another, then we abide in Him. we Know this by the Spirit he has given us.

There is a great battle waged over the loving of our brother. It is that which is won by Jesus in His effectual love and sacrifice toward us. Being a christian, and living in love is expressed in our love for each other.

In what ways can we continue to love one another and live in love for the sake of Christ?

All the glory goes to Him, whom has rested our hearts by His presence.

How has that gone? is there any feedback for me from reading this devotion? I am actually really wanting to know, as I judge my own stuff only from my perspective. it would really help me so that I can get better at this.

Consecration

Hey, there was an act that I performed back in May of 2011 which has marked me and my walk with God. (here is the post)

At the time, I entered into this because I wanted to know God more. 

Just today, I was looking at how to give God everything. On thinking about how we all sin, and how our whole life is defined by that way of being, and in fact we all talk about breaking through and achieving freedom from the things that are inside of us, I realized something. To God we are sons, and to God we are daughters, we are all children of Him (Acts 17) we don't need to do anything to seek approval from Him, and what we are is not defined by what we do. However, God is God, he is our Father. When wrestling with God, Jacob asked "to bless me [with you]" he looked on the face of God, the shining of His face is the light in Heaven (Rev 21) the shining of His face is the acceptance of Sons, it is the security of daughters, it is the belonging of children. The shining of Jesus face is the filling of everything in Heaven above.

That's why I've decided to make a new commitment. This one is not like the commitments I have made before, it's not based on my performance, or my doubts, or my failings, it is a commitment I make with God above. It is already in force because I know Him whom my soul and all my heart and flesh desire. I am already consecrated by Him, as the shining of His face is the blessing that I am blessed with. I am not doing this for the sake of adding to something.

It says in his word the obedient heart follows. It says that you cannot really trust God if you don't obey. You can't become partners with Him, if you are hesitant about what you are going to do. I heard this earlier this week, when someone said that the reason most christians don't achieve great things is chiefly because they have never given God everything. You have to repent of not giving God everything. Let's make this relevant. I've been playing video games, knowing it was wrong, because I was only doing it for the sake of belonging, acceptance and security. I was doing it because I had pre-meditated myself to what it does. I bought into it, I was sold into the idea and then I worshipped it. 

But it doesn't have life, it doesn't produce feelings, it doesn't cultivate intimacy, it isn't the reason you were born, it doesn't add to the security that you feel in your being, or crown you with every joy and passion. 

I'm endeavouring by this commitment that I'm making, to do what has not been done before. Would you consider committing to being consecrated? If you're like me, then the prospect of a future is kind of apprehensive. What you're needing is confidence in what God says, and his plans and purposes. I'm not saying this in a vacuum. for me when I made the commitment to be anointed, i knew that I wanted to know God more. 

Recently I went to a prayer and worship meeting organized by Kate and Noah Cremisino. I was marked. The conversations that I had, the people that I fellowshipped with, and the joy of simply being in God's presence literally broke me free from the chains of not being able to call God Abba! I realized then that we are all lovesick worshippers, and that our identity comes from being the one that Jesus loves, and in our being is crying out for Himself. and choosing with our energy to live for Him. meaning, its enough to simply think of Jesus. that's proof we love Him. People don't do that unless they choose to, they don't stand up in front of people and pour out their heart to Him in a vacuum. It's because He means that much to us, and its a joy to live entirely sold out for Him, because we know Him to be worth everything. 

At the end I went to the front handled the mic and shared about how I called God Abba, and about how the direct result is i see my brothers and sisters as family, and have for the first time connected that He is my Father who chose me because of love for His Son, to ransom me from sin. My worth is astronomical to Him, but it's simply this, that He is my Father. He chose me, He loves me, delights to love me, and purposes all things as extensions of His love. 

Just to let you know, from this post I'm planning on getting consecrated again. I think in the second instance the joy will be far greater. He planned this in my mind, because I specifically remember talking to my friend Steven Thorne because I saw Him in the crowd as I was encouraging people with the testimony of calling God Abba. He asked me why that was, I had no answer. now I do. I know that God wants me to be consecrated by him, because He is a Father himself, and I know him (there's so much more to say, but when God does something all there's left to do is obey!) 

I'm aware that the nazirites in the day consecrated themselves, this was an extension of giving their whole lives to God - that they would undoubtedly do strange things to receive more from God. I'm obeying the command to be consecrated in this respect. It says in the word if anyone of the tribes want to give everything to God, that they ask the priest to consecrate them. 

It is also because I know him, that he appreciates symbolism. But it's more than symbolism because this is my life. I need to say this, as an extension of what I shared before. It is a deeply emotional thing that I'm doing, because I can say how good God is! who he is! and where my confidence in life comes from! 

Consider the verse in Psalm 27, where it says

"I would have despaired, unless I had believed, that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living"

Brothers, you will despair of hope without being connected with God. You will stake yourself on God because of His goodness, and see it with your own eyes. None of us can hope to achieve great things being outside of God. I'm offering you a new way to look at it

"I believe

and I will see

the goodness of you Lord,

will I yet live"

Let your faith totally rest on God, that in the end the belief in God will outweigh the pressures related to the journey that you're on. 

This is what David, in experience, knew. You can see that he was no slave, and he was no jaded person. He said it as it was. He did not cloak himself and do evil. He was pressured by the world as He saw it. He was aware of God, and that was the only thing that mattered. None of us can say we are righteous by our deeds. None of us can fully comprehend God, when He says "I will reward you for your good" both in how you act, and in His desire to bless. 

It is utterly beautiful what God says. 

Psalm 84 is a psalm that unlocks the heart to worship

in it the joy of the psalmist is evident in every word, as He approaches before God. Not only does it identify security (that the sparrow finds a place to rest her young) but also the state by which He himself is lovely (because of His dwelling) the chief beauty of his dwelling, heaven, is because He is there. That is why grace and glory and goodness are intertwined. It is because he knows that the loving heart will cry "Heaven is filled with the light of You" You can't look in the scripture and not see the passionate heart of God being expressed by those that love Him. Don't see love like it's only capable of being from one to another. Don't look at God's love and say "His love is so utterly immeasurable to me" (what can I give to Him?) surely when you love another person, you are loving yourself? surely when you look at God's love, you are yourself loved? 

And he did everything to make it so for you, He left nothing undone that needed to be for You to know Liberty. It's true that there are a bunch of things that you do, that are not connected to God. You have to go to school, have to go to work, have to check emails, go to doctor's appointments. where is God in that? If I go and choose to forget my own identity and destiny, and all in between, then my heart, it really needs liberty. It needs to live again. 

For me it was true that I put those things as opposing the idea of God, and didn't confess that my living, breathing and moving is in Him. that's what I think happens when you find worth in what you do. You can't rest. You can't appreciate that God is enough. the idea of doing public speaking, or doing tests, or talking to people, going to games, or the nervousness you feel in thinking no one will think of you when you're gone. that was my story. It's not the end of it. 

For me, how wise the ancient Hebrews were! 

they dwelled in the tent of Shem, they are the success story, the ones that God looks at. the mighty men who risked all, the various people in various places that stood up for God in the arena. The people infused with life on the inside, the faith that moves mountains, and conquers kingdoms. That refuses to give up, that presses in if only that He might come. that stands on promises and gives grace to hearers, the ones that purpose to live for love in a day and age that works for profit. Isn't that precious? isn't that worth it? Isn't the purpose of God's heart, to aid refugees, enough in itself? isn't the great likelihood that those who do such things are also looking at God's face, staring into love, and hearing His applause, saying "this one I have given all for" this is not a vacuum. This is not some cheap experiment it is the audience of Heaven and the song that they sing is "Worthy is the Lamb!"and "Salvation belongs to our God and to the Lamb" you are not alone, and you are not forgotten. You are precious because He says your beautiful. the fragrance of your love enough because you know Him. What i mean is, that if you want to appreciate the real beauty of someone you have to know them. There's no excuses. 

I got worked up there. All you need to know, all anyone needs to know, is precious! beautiful! worth it! being able to love again is the sweetest thing in my life right now. Being able to intertwine God's story with my own, that is the best. My heart, God is enough! I will yet praise Him! I will yet choose Him! Can you hear the cry of a worshipper? I don't think that love is enough, i know its enough. I know its everything. I know with certainty that Jesus is applauding me in Heaven and that with my breath, the breath that He gives me, it is enough. God is enough and will ever be my portion in this life.

You should probably know my biggest anxiety is the way to relate to my tutors. I've already tried to be confident before my tutors, but if I'm not confident, gosh I can tell myself strange things when I have a warped idea of what people say - coming from my past of being bullied, and treated shamefully. It's precious. it's life! it's worth more than rubies! It's worth greater riches than gold! For all that's good, I have to believe in love. 

And that if I withhold things, its not because of fear, it's because of trust again. 

I hope you've been blessed by the possibility of life. What has happened for you? what is your story? what is it you're struggling with? you may not want to be consecrated - 

For me, consecration is the way to purity. consecration is the way to boundless life. consecration is the way to pursue victory over sin. So I will fill myself of God wherever and whenever I can. That is why I am being consecrated. 

I think of it in terms of a marriage vow. I'm dependent on Him. 

A testimony is powerful. this is what I've given today. If you want to know, come to me. I will try to make known. 

All I'm saying, my prayer for you is that you increase in the knowledge of God, and that you find his heart, and that you have the courage to accept Him, and to leave it in His hands. Don't fret about tomorrow, or anxiousness you have regarding where things are coming from. Hidden in the heart of God is enough for every need of your heart. I'm telling myself this, since I am looking at the future currently. I'm ending my degree, my student allowance is ending, and I am only secure financially because of the generosity of others. Isn't that the way to live? my name means gift. 

Update to my Goals and Dreams page

Goals and Dreams

Draft of Song: All to You I give

Here is the download link

Reflection on Financial Support, Forgiveness, and Being Ministers of Reconciliation

To be frank, this title is too short, and this encompasses alot more than the title. Help me to find a new title.

I find that my attempt at making sense of my life has only caused me anxiety, and a sense that I'm unstuck. For those that believe in God, the prize is Himself. He is the reward. I remember being at Oxford and being so struck by forgiveness, by the certainty that I had fellowship with Him (which, at the time, i did not understand, though I had to tell someone about it) that I did share, and honestly, it was just my enthusiasm. I still think that God spoke to me, and that He wanted me to share it, even if I didn't know what I was sharing.

I am in Polytech now, and there are lots of demands on my time, on my future and on my relationships with others. I actually find that I'm not capable of sharing with others what is going on for me, this is, ironically, because God is speaking to me. And I'm endeavouring to be able to for the first time to share it with others. I am not in a state where I do not know, I do know, and yet it is because I know, that I am refraining. Let me explain, i am not talking about getting a job, or travelling, or visiting friends, or things that I do. I'm saying that I'm moved in my heart. This is the why behind my refraining.

Some could say that I have lived this way for ever (it seems like forever, since I did my DTS at YWAM) I mean, I'm not ashamed of God, and I know that my friends know that I love Him. Some people are guilty of stepping too far in God, by simply saying, "Whatever it is he asks me I will do" without reflecting on it, that God is not interested in just machines, but in our heart. No one can encounter God and not be changed. I am struggling at this time to be like Jesus, and practice what I preach. No one can encounter God and not be changed, since the one that has encountered Him, wants to give Him everything.

This is what enables God to give me dignity and value in seasons of unrest, and perplexity. It is because my hope is in Him, and that my belief in Him is stemming from His love for me. This is why I am sick of the pressure related to this course that I'm doing! not sick of the work, the every day, the mundane, the purpose that is being worked out in me. no. But the illusion that if I perform I will succeed. Performance driven is awefully subjective, since what is performance to one person, may be a dream for another person. That means that when God says "come follow me" he intends to dash our hopes of performance, and offer us His heart. This means that it is right for me to reflect on the anxiety and what has caused me to be unstuck, so that I should hold onto Him.

I think personally this is done by reflecting on the past. it is to know the journey that I'm on - to be happy and accept what has happened. Upon reflection today, I realised that at the heart of it is Him, since without Him in this, without the joy that embraces my heart, without His beauty and glory being conveyed to me, without my constant desire to encounter Him, that would indeed come unstuck. I could not be where I am without Him.

Let me attempt to address the three things that I set out to address.

1) Financial Support

I have a history with financial support, as I have gloried in. I think in some ways the desire of the Jews, to bless God and give, that can be a motive to give of itself. It's because unlike the idols, God gives. He is the abundant giver. I have reflected that a person ought to give because of this. It should not be enough just to wait on God and expect provision. let me explain that. It is because in our mind we decide that such a thing is a resistance to faith. to believe for the increase, to put hope in the abundance of God. It is a touchy subject, because I know people that expect God to provide, and He does. All I'm saying is, you dont give credit enough. The purpose of God in financial giving is to bless and give. This ought to be the basis for our continual enjoyment of giving as is needed. The testimony is that you have the expectation of God's abundance to come and provide. That means that you already have one over someone that lives entirely by their own means. Entirely by their own merit. In that sense, "righteousness is rewarded" but we know that righteousness is by faith. If one man hears, let Him give, if he is not under compulsion, let Him bless. Righteousness that comes by faith doesn't seek to glory in the giver. it is in the glory of the one who gives. This is why God has blessed, will bless and forever more shall be blessed.

2) Forgiveness

I think we all need forgiveness. this is why He forgave. Our satisfaction of Him comes from the determination and power of Him to forgive sin and debt. Our dependence on Him is as one that has a continual debt. You will never out give God, nor can indeed can you. He is the one that provides, blesses, instructs and endows. He is the one made to sanctify, the one to justify, the one to glorify. He is One and One Lord (I just found out about that this week) In fact, if sin is a debt, then we are all debtors. Debtors not to sin. But debtors to grace. We are all under the same charge, and all under the same sentence. I will explain it like this: If you can never out give God, then you ought also to be the respondent in this relationship. if you will never out give God, then our freedom comes from his gift. I am learning about this God. I am learning about this one who "sets apart for Himself him who is godly, He will answer me when I call" not to have the same favor, indeed of His face, is to also be like the harlot that goes away without sin erased. I don't know much about sexual sin, but I understand that it is a debt that does not go away. You are sold under it, so that you will sin against your own body. It somehow has to do with generations. We are all descended from the same man, and we all are terrible. There is none good, and none that does righteously. Being able to say that you have freedom now, that is worth more than all the worlds riches, since it has all been accrued by evil gain and means. Indeed, that means that belonging to God is the root cause of all our ills.

3) Being Ministers of Reconciliation

Having made us ministers, we extend what He has given to us to others. In 2 Corinthians it says that this ministry is "to be reconciled" this means "to have been offered a pardon, so that one can enter into relationship with the one that offers" It is true that I don't think on this enough, especially every day, as far as my circumstance ought to say is most important. To be washed, to be encouraged, to be strengthened, to be wholly capable of finishing the task. I ought to say "this is my ministry" - own it as one that enters into the insistence that I will concede this is the most important thing, and that I will also do it. I do not know the lengths that my Abba will go to bring this to pass. I really don't. Upon reflection of sexual sin, I realised that God is with me in it. that is remarkable. How has he been here before? it teaches me that I have a God that is beyond intensity. that He is the definition of love.

I hope in all this I have communicated my heart, for at this time, I feel like the last thing that I want is to press on. But press on I must, if I am to be bound to Him. My heart is as one that is bound to Him, and His joy and glory to be realised. that is why the motivation to be bonded is indeed beauty.

Continue to gaze on beauty.