the eyes of God

"Let no one say when he is tempted, 'I am tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone." (James 1:13 NKJV)

I have long wanted to share something on this subject. So i'm so excited to finally have something to say! The topic puts me on edge however that's the fear of the Lord. I feel like i'm a child in this subject however. I am committing my life to this. I've been asking the Lord to confirm that He is better than life I'm taking the first step off the cliff face. I was going to be bold this morning and share how much I've changed since meeting God - someone under the intent for death - look at me now! Life is good! and I am contemplating I will die because death has been defeated. What a turn around! The devil can't put any spin on that! his accusation will be torn down by justice. But like I said, I didn't do it.

I was filled with deep pain. I felt like eyes were probing down on me. Would I persist in not doing God's will. This hurts, the love that he's penetrating me hurts. O, the pressure, O the pain! I understand now that his love is what hems me in. My biggest problem is sexual immorality. the symptoms are: "no one sees that I'm doing this!" I feel like I would have to commit death to get over this. I later remarked: "I no longer have fear of my parents" So even though I want to download that video game which would take hours, and fill me with dread, and loathing and numbing sensitivity, reducing my hearts ability to receive love, and dull my spirit, I am not going to do it. Not because of sheer force of will. It is just because it's wrong, I can't get over that God is looking at me with eyes of jealousy. I can't say "God doesn't exist!" He's also said to me in the past: "If you persist in doing this, you will loose everything" now I understand what He means by that. He's not looking at a single event, he's looking at persistant, recurring events that you will never win at. But what dread! He can take away all that I ever worked for! And he's just in doing that! What can save me?

It says in the bible that God opposes the proud, He also hems in people by his love. He doesn't tempt people! So when He mentions again and again in Isaiah, that "you have drunk of the cup of his fury" He's really saying that! choose something else!
I guess that I do not having saving knowledge of deliverance from this yet. Because It hasn't rested in my heart that God is committed to loving me. Who can save me? I want his love, and His love is peaceful rest. O, that is real, that is substantial! He fills me with delights! O the Bridegroom who takes our weak hearts and empowers us in His own love! and then will not rest until everything is His! we squirm under pressure, and then echo back to Him "come be the fire inside of me!"