Kindness leading to Repentance

There is a scripture in Romans 2:4

"Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?" NKJV

I spent the day yesterday playing video games and felt horrible about it. Actually it doesn't quite go like that. Late night, unaware of what is going on around me. Let me give you some advice: "Let him who glories, glory in the Lord" I want to be far more honest, humble, and real about it but I really struggle with that.

So in the morning while talking with Him, I heard the Lord say something. I knew it was Him, but it sounded like he was pulling His punches. He said "What if you don't test me" to which I replied "I am going to test you!" Because this is an issue of Him keeping covenant with me, I can be as politically uncorrect as possible. Basically, His kindness emboldened me to test Him more. To which I felt horrible about what I had done, and apologized, and he accepted my apology. God was pulling His punches because He knew that I do love Him. As I sit here writing, the favor of God is on me, and I can choose now to follow Him, what a glorious feeling!

This makes me feel rather interesting. The thing is, God does not share His glory with another one. When David was repentant about Bathsheba, the motivation was a pursuit of God's glory. You might ask me, "So why can you be free after doing something that grieves the Lord's heart?" to which I would reply "Because he's better" what stuns me most about David is that He chose to go through the whole ordeal. Yeah, that's right. But the underlying theme here is God's love for me, because I don't think I would place the most importance on anything I've done, but what God has done for me!

When you are repentant like this, there are no "what ifs" because you are sincere and apologetic which means there's no worldly sorrow attached to it. I feel a little like Zion, whose unfaithful behavior grieves her, that her Lord still receives her. One thought that I had during the whole thing was this: "I'm no different from anyone else, like Peter, I cry out to the Lord 'depart from me, Lord, for I am a wicked and sinful man'" to which he has graciously shown that His love covers, purifies, protects and helps me even when I am weak. For anyone not convinced of his love, I just want to encourage you, that you are not like them. God has set his seal of love on you. He does not see you the way that He sees the world. For anyone that does not know His love, Jesus Christ has demonstrated God's love, when you make Him your ruler, you become His (because He knows that you want Him even before you come)

This makes me feel a mixture, of happiness, joy, and overwhelming love. This is the way of God which leads to repentance. To finish up, I would like to say this, I do feel horrible about it, NOW.

Holidaying in Paradise

Hello there!

I'm excited to share what has been happening this last month, after Christmas time rolled over and I left for Whangarei on the 5th of January. I've been fabulously blessed by God.

So from the 5th of January I spent just over 2 weeks in Whangarei. I was staying in a rural part of Whangarei which has amazing sunsets! However, on the 15th of January Steve and I came to a Kids camp organized by the local churches, it was held at a camp called "Holy Ground" in Parua Bay, out near the Whangarei Heads, this also has much to gape at! It is only two minutes away from the beach! After finishing the camp, everyone was feeling tired, but God had different plans for me! So I headed off to Tauranga on Monday the 23rd of January to spend a few days up there and goto the prayer house.

I have a new family in Tauranga now. Shimshon and Heather and their lovely daughter aynai-el! I stayed with them for just a few days, before going to stay at the DTS house in Bethlehem. On Friday we had a meal together! what a totally amazing experience! (I mean spending time with them)

One day I was praying that I would meet the New Zealand Outreach Team! Well God answered my prayers! Mette and Jesse's team were in the House of Prayer on Friday morning! Then I was able to hang out with them on Friday afternoon, before going out for dinner at Shimshon and Heather's house.

While at the Kid's camp (at Holy Ground) I caught up with Pete McArthur! This happened only 2 days after the camp started! Sarah also came round to visit the camp after a few days too!

While up in Tauranga, I visited a family connected with the House of Prayer (THOP). So on Thursday I went out for lunch to visit Andre and his family, who come from Holland. Now, would you believe that it was a divine appointment. God wants to interact with us in our emotions, showing us things by the Spirit, and stun us with the things he shows us. The reason that we don't is because we're uncomfortable - we have put up walls saying "I don't want to relate to God in that way" - because of experiences in our childhood. By God's grace I am saying yes to what He wants to show me. That means letting our imaginations flow and being hospitable - to show others what we're receiving from Him. By God's grace I will share plenty more of this.

In General I have had a season of encounter with God and hopefully with others whom I am slowly opening upto, but the good news is that God is on my side and wants me to grow in both love and capacity to lead others in love. This is why I have titled this "Holidaying in Paradise"

There is a song...

There is a song sung in Heaven. It goes like this:
"He has prevailed!" (Rev 2:10; 5:5; 7:10)

To hear those words. This is all the encouragement you will ever need, because He has prevailed. The more that you allow His victory to pervade your life, the more this anthem will sing true to you. Even when you are put to shame, ridiculed, slandered, on trial, and sentenced to death you will not be overcome, nor depart from the truth. He was faithful until death (Php 2:8) He commands us to do the same (Rev 2:10) I'm reminded that "He is Faithful" he will lead and guide you perfectly. Most importantly, His faithfulness is because He loves you.

YWAM Update: Dreaming

I would like to hail you from the fresh North Cantabrian town of Oxford, home to two wonderful chefs. I would like you to know that I have been stunned, and taken, by the events of the last few weeks. I have put up some photos, all of which have happened in our base of YWAM. A few weeks ago, two new schools arrived, both the backpackers, and the Justice school. We have students from America, Canada, Switzerland, Denmark, Holland, Sweden, Austria, England, and Finland. They arrived, just in time, to become preparation for the YWAM National Gathering, where we hosted people from the oakridge base in North North Island, Mangere, Tauranga (Marine Reach, and Impact World Tour) and Matamata.

I will comment on the 4 photos to the right. (top to bottom)
Hopping in a van with some students from Backpackers (Sam, Nate, Karissa and Seth) to goto the city
With food in our hands, hoping to bless someone in Sumner
A homeless man(!) actually, we had a dress up night which is called "Love Feast" - part of Angels and Mortals week, where we bless someone with random secret acts of grace.
Dressed up as Luigi, with Rebecca dressed up as Danny Zuko (gnarly!)

There are so many stories, too many to recount here, where God showed up, imparted direction and vision, and gave me a thirst for more of Him. It feels strange to not share about it everywhere. But what I would really like to share today is what he's done in my heart in the last day.

After I came back from Israel, I was invited by Colleen Robb to speak about my experience, at a church service in November, well, this weekend it happened! Though I haven't met any of them before (Colleen and her team were there for it) I felt right at home and welcomed everyone to fellowship. It's really sparked me unexpectedly, as I was sharing, in teaching more of my experience, that I get blessed by more revelation.

Unexpectedly, it took me back to Israel. I'm so glad that my life is not in my hands, because the whole message of Dreaming had completely left my memory. To be reminded of it, was, to say the least, a breath of fresh air, and relief. Actually, it's the most stressful thing to think about, if you look at it from the perspective of someone who finds it difficult to sleep. You cannot tell someone to dream - when I came back from Israel I had the predicament of trying to describe this, to people, when what I'm trying to impart, is dreams. Not only is this the most important thing to me in existance now, but it's also the only thing that matters.

This is the hardest thing for me to communicate, inspiring people to dream that I'm just not going to try!

That makes me think of Father. (God, that is) I go up and I just recline, like a baby, feeding from my Mother's breast, and I am filled! with ecstacy. Because I have all that I need. You just changed my paradigm (I'm thinking of my friend David!) You just won - invincible. You just ruined me. I'm bought, I'm totally there.

I will be leaving to goto Tauranga, as lead by the Spirit, not knowing what is going to happen, but glorying in God in the knowledge that I'm going, and that He knows what is going to happen. Fun-filled, enjoyable, surprising, exciting life - that is my Father. I will be leaving on the 18th of November, to stay for a week- He makes all my steps to walk in peace, when I know what He has done I am left speechless, and full of His love.

YWAM Update: Nothing catches you by surprise!

This will be my 2 year reunion to being sent out to YWAM for the Earthcare DTS in Oxford (October, 2009) I'm filled up to the brim and overflowing, the perfect definition of rest. I feel like I'm in Heaven today

While praying this morning, I committed my finances to God saying I want you to lead me in this, because I want to hand this over to you afresh, turning from self-reliance and dependence. So it was a surprise to come to church and hear the preacher speak about the same thing! No one catches God by surprise! I would like to share the whole story with you.

I walked back to the YWAM base and decided I would go upto the prayer room to study Psalms, however a few people were heading down to the farmer's market in Oxford which runs every sunday. They were planning on going, but I thought there was no time, and I wanted to study the bible anyway. When I got up into the prayer room, one of the backpacker students named Sonja was up there. When I sat down, I remembered, all of a sudden, "this is a reason for rejoicing! God is victorious! Celebrate!" then I wanted to go down to the Farmer's market to spend money. While at the Farmer's market, I kept on telling everyone how God had given me excitement to spend my money.

You see, the whole experience was a setup. It took me straight back to when I was in Israel, when God had said "It's on my tab, go crazy and get whatever you want!" I just want to let you know what it feels like. It's like, He's giving me an unconditional yes! This kind of response is what I have come to expect from God. Directly following the time I spent in Israel, I took Him at his word. He said "I'm going to provide for all your outreach fees before the end of the month" I'm not supposed to go ahead from Him, I'm supposed to be walking with Him, and when I obey what He says, it's a delight. I feel a little pressure coming on as I write this.

The more that God provides, the more I say to God "I fully surrender!" at my weakest point is my strongest. I want to draw attention to a man that is mentioned in the bible. His name is Moses. He had been chosen by God to lead the nation of Israel into the Promised Land. While he lead, God was with them. He would lead them by a pillar of cloud by day, and a pillar of fire by night. It says that He was a consuming fire among them, and they trembled at hearing His voice, so much they said "we cannot bear it, from this point on do not talk to us directly" It says that they rebelled against God numerous times, and that God, I quote, said "I will destroy Israel as a nation before me and make you Moses into a nation" He must have had a high opinion of Moses. But Moses said "If you destroy them from before you as a nation the nations will say amongst themselves 'God delivered Israel from Egypt only to destroy them in the wilderness' and his name would be blasphemed" From this point on, Israel was safe. But fire would break out against them, and serpents, and destroying angels, and plagues.

What God has done in history, He will do in the future. There will be a time of anguish upon the earth where plagues are poured out on the earth globally, and the interesting power dynamics of being led by God will be openly manifest. The place is not to look backwards, it's to look forwards. If Jesus is coming again, this has to be the most foremost thing on my mind, not the last. For this reason, because I was made for this, for His return.

My dream is to raise up a generation of leaders. What a future! this is my heart for the schools that have just arrived here on base at Oxford, Backpackers and Justice. This means I'm more about the team effort, I just can't do it without others - we need each other to remind of the promises and good testimonies of God.

I really know that God has chosen me - because He's doing everything! That means I can't do anything! I will turn to Him and ask Him what's next. And I just have to look and see what he's done for me. That's actually a promise He gave me while on the DTS 2 years ago. He gets all the attention now! Bless you heaps and I want to catch up!